New Pre-Spring Break Diet Recipe! Lowfat Pizza

There are two foods that I absolutely am madly, passionately, despairingly in love with. The first is a good burrito (the healthier, Chipotle-style or the legit greasy Mexican kind), and the second is Pizza. I have been in love with pizza for as long as I remember, and there is never a time when I am not willing to stuff it in my face. This is mainly because I love anything loaded with cheese, but it is also because Chicago is one of the best cities in America to get great pizza (and not just deep dish, you whiny bitches!). That being the case, it's incredibly hard to avoid getting a waft of the heavenly aromas billowing out of a fantastic pizzeria on your average stroll around town.

Normally, this is the point where I would have to make a choice: indulge my insatiable craving for the cheesy, bready, greasy goodness, and hate myself later, or stick to my pre-spring break health regimen, and hate my life now.

However, I have recently come up with a solution that can't replace a good slice of pizza, but certainly helps kick my cravings down a few notches. Below is my Bagel-Pizza creation:

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1/2 of a Thomas' Plain Bagel (or any brand you prefer)

8/10ths of an Ounce of Freshly Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

About 2 Tablespoons Marinara Sauce

Handful of Chopped Bell Peppers

Pinch of Freshly Torn Basil (never take a knife to basil!)

After piling everything on top of the bagel, I bake this at 450 for about 8 minutes, give or take. And I've now had this for dinner twice already. You can also vary it by trying grilled or sauteed chicken, turkey sausage, or some shredded parmesan cheese as alternate toppings. Its only about 280 calories per pizza, depending on what you put on it.

It sure isn't Pequod's or Lou Malnati's, but it'll do for now...

Thoughts on... Why fashion bloggers suck.

I honestly feel like blogger these days is practically bubbling over with this type of fashion douche. I'm not talking about legitimate fashion blogs written by people with taste and actual experience and cogency in the fashion industry. I'm talking about the bitch who took one sewing class and considers the fact that she can buy as much shit as she wants with her daddy's credit card a good enough qualification to call herself a fashion designer. They all are "aspiring stylists" who might say they work in "The Industry". I'm sorry, I didn't know that working at your local Urban Outfitters makes you the next Anna Wintour.

They like to speak in "Franglish", using a few phrases that they looked up in a translating dictionary and saying them over and over again. As someone who has studied French since I was 8 years old, this is not only insulting, but it's rather baffling that they think no one can see through their bullshit.

What irks me the most is their followers. They eat up their hideous sense of fashion for breakfast. This, in turn feeds their ever growing egos even further. As if taking pictures of yourself every day with the ten-second timer on your crappy camera and thinking the world cares wasn't a big enough red flag on your narcissistic tendencies. Stop pretending you're in a photo shoot, you're neighbors must think you're crazy.

I don't understand how these people have so much free time on their hands. In that sense, I'm jealous. I guess life is just one big bowl of ice cream when your only job is to fall deeper and deeper in love with yourself while you take pictures of the outfits that you bought with your parent's money. And hey, who wouldn't want it to be that easy? But please, stop acting like what you do is changing the world. There are 2 million other girls just like you online, all of whom think they're just as special as you do.

My Latest Obsession

I've heard of Major Lazer for some time now, I've always had friends that loved them. But it wasn't until I saw them live, opening for Pretty Lights on New Years that I fell in love with them. They put on such a fun show, and now I'm hopelessly addicted. I love how they can combine House with Reggae beats so seamlessly.

50 Things I Hate

Posting "I Hate" videos on youtube is becoming increasingly popular with each passing day. So since I don't do vlogs, I figured I'd let you know about everything I hate here:
1. I hate Coca-Cola. I hate all brands of "cola" for that matter. It's sugary tar, how could anyone enjoy that?
2. I hate it when people repeatedly sniffle or breathe heavily within earshot of me in an otherwise quiet room.
3. I hate Sex and the City. And I hate how people can't seem to believe that I find it an apalling piece of shit.
4. I hate how every time I open a cup of yogurt it has to spit out at me like it's a fucking llama.
5. I hate it when lazy, fat, and/or junk food junkies complain about their weight.
6. I hate it when people will tell you that they discovered a band "years" before they became popular. No one fucking cares.
7. I hate it when girls act like they think they're ugly so they can fish for compliments.
8. I hate it when people try to rock out to their iPhone speakers. Guess what? They sound like shit. Stop acting like they're a goddamn Bose soundock.
9. I hate it when people say they like a band to sound cool but can't name 3 songs by them.
10. I hate snuggies. And I hate people who buy snuggies because they think they're being funny and ironic.
11. For that matter, I hate people who think they're being funny and ironic in general. Shave your moustache, douche.
12. I hate people who roll their own cigarettes. You're not cooler than me, and you smoke poop-sticks.
13. I hate it when cops leave they're cars running, unlocked, and unattended. Stop trying to set me up, it's so fucking tempting.
14. I hate how five-dollar cupcakes have become practically a fashion accessory.
15. I hate tiny dogs.
16. I hate it when people whistle their "S" sounds like the pedophile on Family Guy.
17. I hate people who take the elevator for like 2 floors.
18. I hate it when people text me back "ok".
19. I hate it when people don't control their loud obnoxious children in public.
20. I hate it when I go to Chipotle and they wrap my burrito like a bitch.
21. I hate it when people pronounce the word "bagel" like "beggil"
22. I hate it when my roomates refuse to take out the trash and just keep piling it up like its a fucking jenga tower.
23. I hate people who say "that's what she said" when what I said was already intended to be an innuendo.
24. I hate it when guys shave their chest.
25. I hate it when my friends ask me for advice and then get upset when what I tell them isn't what they wanted to hear.
26. I hate it when black people fall completely into their stereotypes.
27. I hate that birth control made my lightning-fast metabolism slow down.
28. I hate getting hit on by guys who I don't think are hot.
29. I hate people who complain all the time.
30. I hate hypochondriacs. The only thing wrong with you is that you are an atrocious attention whore.
31. I hate how Blogger's formatting is ALWAYS messed up. Making me have to revise my posts for hours.
32. I hate couples that celebrate anniversaries every month. It's called an anniversary because "annum" is Latin for "year". Stop praising you're mediocre relationship.
33. I hate stores that have a minimum purchase for using credit cards.
34. I hate the "like" button on facbook. If you can't rattle your brain enough to produce even a FEW worthwile words, then I don't want the notification.
35. I hate people who think they're making a difference by "Raising Awareness" about an issue. You aren't doing shit.
36. I hate that we females have to go to a doctor thats specifically trained to analyze our vagina.
37. I hate romantic comedies. And I hate how every guy assumes I like them because I am a girl.
38. I hate shitty sunglasses. Your scratched-up, Urban Outfitters, "vintage-style" specs cheapen your entire outfit.
39. I hate guys who think flashing the shocker in photos will make them funny.
40. I hate how the food at movie theaters is so goddamn expensive.
41. I hate how girls (or guys for that matter) think they have to take pictures of themselves every single time they go out. No one thinks you're that interesting.
42. I hate the food network and all the shitty cooks that they give shows to.
43. I hate it when couples post their relationship status on facebook. And I hate it when people comment on someone's changed relationship status.
44. I hate it when my friends want to have a "girls night". How is that more fun than getting to hang out with boys? How???
45. I hate that I always fuck up the word "Astronomy" for "Astrology". Then I tell people about the Astrology class I'm taking and they think I'm a retard.
46. I hate how people will buy anything with the name "organic" in it and think they they must be eating healthy because of it.
47. I hate it when I have to poop at a guy's house.
48. I hate it when people open all the perfume samples in my magazines. Make your own magazines smell like a dead baby prostitute that fell in a dumpster.
49. I hate it when girls will do a ton of sit ups or leg lifts right before they go out in a skimpy outfit, as if that actually made a difference.
50. I hate Uggs. And I always have. And I always will. I feel so much better now!

Pre-Spring-Break Diet Recipes

If you can cook for yourself you're already at an advantage in getting thin for beach season. The more you make your own food, the more control you have over what you put in your mouth. Unfortunately, there is no perfect diet that will make you thin without working your ass off exercising. But when you combine those two factors, it's your best bet at getting in shape. That, and every time I think about eating something greasy and delicious I look at a picture of a Victoria's Secret model.
Here is some of the food I've been making to help fight the winter jiggle:

Strawberry and Mint Salad:
10 Strawberries
2 Cherry Tomatoes
2 Peaches
Chopped Mint
Dash of Olive Oil
Dash of Balsamic Vinegar
Sea Salt and Freshly Ground Pepper
Chop up all the fruit (yes, the tomato too), add the mint on top and then drizzle with the olive oil and then the balsamic.
I'm not much of a lettuce eater, so this is what I like to eat in stead. It's gorgeously colorful and super tasty. This will serve 2 people at 180 calories each.

Vegetable Soup:
1 Medium Onion, finely chopped
2 Large Carrots, grated
1 Leek, finely chopped (sometimes I vary with 2 celery stalks)
4 New Potatoes, grated
1 can of Flageolet Beans, drained
1 Organic Vegetable Stock Cube, mixed with 4 1/4 cups of boiled water.
Salt/Pepper to season
2 tbsp Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Put 1 tablespoon of the olive oil into a pot and sauté the onions over medium heat for about 4 minutes. Add the grated potatoes and carrots and cook for another 5 minutes. Then add the leek and heat everything until the vegetables are tender (about 3 minutes). Pour in the vegetable stock and keep on the heat until it boils, then take off the heat and slowly puree in a food processor or blender. Once it's all blended to a consistency you like, pour everything back into the pot and turn the burner on low heat. You can add in Chili flakes if like it spicy (they increase your metabolism too) and extra salt/pepper to taste.
Once it's boiling again, add in the can of Flageolet Beans and cook for a further 2 minutes. Turn off the heat and allow to sit for a few minutes before serving.
This recipie will give you around 4 to 6 servings, so its a good one to keep in your fridge when you're trying to lose weight.

Seasoned Wild Rice With Tomato & Avocado
1 cup wild or brown rice
15 cherry tomatoes (cut in halves)
1 avocado (cut up in bite sized pieces)
A few sprigs of cilantro (chopped finely)
2 minced cloves of garlic
1 tablespoon of olive oil
Juice of 1 lemon
Cook the wild or brown rice as directed on the package it came in. Once it's ready, mix all the ingredients together, taking care not to smash the avocado, and then add salt and pepper to taste. You can also try adding tobasco or sriacha hot sauce. I actually just tried out this recipe for the first time tonight and thought everything looked pretty all chopped up on my cutting board, so I took a picture.

These are just a couple examples of what I try to shove down my throat instead of pizza and burritos. I also like to drink green tea, go out in the cold weather, and substitute soda and juice with water to boost my metabolism. Also, I've never been a munchies person but if you are, learn to fight off that urge when you smoke pot. It's easy once you've mastered it. Please know that I would never encourage crash-dieting and that it's a bad idea. While an appropriate amount of restriction is effective, you still must eat in order to maintain a healthy metabolism. I don't want to get angry emails so please do as I say. ALRIGHTY?

Thoughts on... The God-Damned-Legging Crisis

I've been doing casework for my Urban Sociology class in Uptown and im not sure what it is about run-down neighborhoods, but everywhere I look I see chicks sporting the combination-made-in-hell that consists of a pair of 5-dollar leggings in conjuction with full-butt underwear. Maybe welfare checks can't cover the cost of a good thong, but if my hard-earned tax dollars are going out to you motherfuckers, maybe you can skip your next sack of crack and head to target and spend $4.25 on a pair of underwear that won't make my eyes bleed when I see you walking ahead of me in those crappy-ass leggings. As if the cheap, thin fibers of your piece of shit leggings being completely see through werent enough of an eyesore, you had to throw in a pair of granny panties to just complete this horrendous display upon your ass.

I'm not being a snot, I have seen this before in areas that arent so crappy, but there definitely seems to be a concentration of this trend in the areas with the largest amount of income stemming from the sale of crack.

I used to be really against wearing leggings as pants, mainly because it's a real hit-or-miss fashion choice. And as far as I'm concerned, girls like the one in that picture should probably adhere to that rule. But if you have an attractive ass and a pair of underwear that can hide under the fabric, and they're a decent quality pair of leggings that leave a little to the imagination, I'd say it's ok to sport a pair. Cause lets be honest, getting your ass checked out is a great self-esteem booster.

Thoughts on... Neutrogena Extra Gentle Cleanser

In case anyone who reads this hasn't been able to infer by the way I talk about it, I am incredibly OCD when it comes to my hair and skin routine. My hair is strong and healthy, but my irrational fear of split ends (I just looked it up and cant find a term for it) keeps me constantly scouring over ingredients in my hair products to make sure I am doing it good. But that's another story for another post.
I have difficult skin. It's not prone to breakouts or oiliness but it gets incredibly dry in places that it shouldn't, (like the creases in my nostrils and my T-Zone). If that's not problem enough, I get hives. Mad hives. I don't know what causes them, but on a frequent basis I'll find one or more red itchy bumps on my face that itch like crazy and only get worse when I touch them.
I've used Neutrogena products a lot in the past and I've gotta say, I've never been so satisfied with a brand overall like Neutrogena. It's not overpriced and works incredibly well. This cleanser is no exception either. It has a non-soap formula, so it's super nice to dry skin. The only issue I have with it is that I prefer a cleanser that is a makeup remover as well, and this didn't do a great job of taking off my mascara. (I've used Neutrogena's Fresh Foaming Cleanser and it was wonderful at taking it off).
While I'll probably use the rest of this bottle, I don't think I'd buy this product again just because I don't want to have to use makeup remover and cleanser. I might consider recommending it to my friend who has an intense fear of soap though. I'll give this a 3.5 out of 5.
Is this becoming a product review blog?