Thoughts on...People taking FB wayyyy too seriously.

Facebook is really fucking lame when you think about it. Especially now that it's on every one's phone. I do not own a smartphone, nor do I want to because it will only increase my temptation to waste my time on the sheer and udder faggotry that is Facebook. I honestly feel like deleting mine once and for all, and very well might after finishing this post.

Here is a list of some of the things I find to be appallingly pathetic to do on Facebook:

1. Listing who you are "in a relationship" with, aka "Facebook official"

2. Writing about your heartbreak or relationship woes in your statuses.

3. Writing about your emotional baggage in general in your statuses.

4. Sending psychotic and verbally abusive messages to people you hate.

5. Changing your profile picture every 2 days.

6. "Liking"

7. Deleting people because you got in a fight.

8. Going on Facebook in general

Ok, I might be guilty of number 8, but I stand strongly against the other 7. Facebook isn't supposed to be a serious thing, and it's a huge joke to bring your personal life online like that. I've seen people's moms bitch out their ex-boyfriends via status comments, psychotic cyberbullies make fake profiles so they can stalk the people they prey on, and I've personally been the victim of many threatening and insulting messages. All the while I'm wondering, "Facebook, really?".

The reason I'm writing is because recently I've had a brush with my ex's current girlfriend. She happened to friend me on Facebook, and I suppose I accepted not really thinking much of it. Next thing I know, she's i.m.-ing me talking nonstop about her "baby" and how she thinks everyone is jealous of her. This is already an inappropriate conversation to have with your boyfriend's ex, but it gets worse. I started to get the feeling that she was implying that I was still coming onto him, but I tried to brush it off since that was obviously a ridiculous thing to think. A few days later I see that my ex has deleted me, and I'm guessing it's Miss Crazyface that did it, or at least told him to do so. So I check her Facebook, and sure enough, she's deleted me too.

I sat there for a moment thinking to myself, "is this a joke?" is anyone that pathetic that they'd try to hurt my feelings by deleting me as a friend on FACEBOOK? Motherfucking Facebook??? By this point, my ex is starting to look like a huge pussy. So I text him yesterday something to the effect of, "you de-friended me on facebook, burn..." and not surprisingly, i receive no response from him. However, she managed to send me her OWN response on you guessed it, Facebook:

"Yo, niglet. I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to the baby anymore. Kay thanks bye." And yes, she actually talks like that. She's white too. I suppose you could blame her insecurity, the fact that my ex may very well still have eyes for me, or the fact that she's still in high school and still thinks that acting like an immature twat is acceptable. I responded with something to the effect of, "Please don't talk to me again, I don't want to be dragged into your pathetic high school drama. I won't say anything to you anymore, but if you fuck with me again I'll kick your ass". Which is pretty much what happens when chicks try to mess.

I've been through high school once, and I have no desire to do it again. And that's really what Facebook is like. It's like high school online. Bottom line, fuck Facebook. It's a frontier for psychotic, jealous, insecure bitches, like the one I mentioned above, to feel like they actually have some power in their lame-ass lives. I'm not saying we all have to delete our Facebook accounts, (although we probably should) but if it seems like you're taking this shit too seriously, maybe you need to take a step back and see how pathetic you look. Besides, when is the last time Facebook did anything for you?

All is right with the world.

It's absolutely fucking beautiful out right now. The evergreen outside of my bedroom window is frosted in a snowy icing, and it looks like something out of a Dr. Seuss drawing. I guess if you're from the midwest you kind of have to love trees. I'm lying in bed in a state of post-sex contendedness. My boy is next to me, having drifted off already.
Life couldn't get any better.

It aint me babe.

It's 7 degrees out today. Brr.

But hooray for the semester officially being over! I can finally rela-- oh wait. No I can't. I've got so much shit to do this week. I won't bore you with all that though.

Unfortunately for me, I can't really get anything done until this hangover from hell subsides. I guess that's what you get when you combine bong rips with whiskey, red wine, and 312. (Do people that aren't from Chicago drink 312?)

The weird thing that happened to me last night though was running into an old fuck buddy of mine. We messed around for a good six months, but we were sure to never become serious. Well, he was sure at least. I'll admit that I liked him. I thought he liked me too, but most likely I was just a piece of ass to him. Anyways, I'm long over him and am tons happier with who I have now, but I can't help but feel ridiculously awkward whenever I see him. I don't even know why. I guess him coming on to me last night didn't help.

All I did was fall asleep on the giant ass couch and next thing I know he asks if he can share a pillow with me since they seem to be scarce. Thats fine, I suppose. It's not like cuddling means anything anyways. But he kept turning my face to him and trying to talk to me, and I really wasn't having it. He kept saying how "awesome" I was and beautiful and unique and all the bullshit he used to say to get in my pants. But I'll dig deeper into the story of our frienship-with benefits next time.

I just fucking hate how boys do that. They just tell girls whatever they want to hear because they know it'll get them laid. They don't realize how seriously the girl is taking what they're saying, and how awful they'll feel when they realize that the guy was just bullshitting. I'm just glad I was wise enough this time to see though the bullshit.

Needless to say, I ended up sleeping on the floor. And despite all I put up with I am enthralled to see my boytoy when he comes home for break this saturday. Sex marathon? I think so.

How can you be stressed when you watch this??

HAPPY FINALS WEEK EVERYONE!!!

Nicotine and Gravy

I really feel like I’m off my rocker right now. I know finals are coming up so it’s understandable that I’m stressed, but it’s not even a stressed sort of feeling anymore. Well, it that in combination with a million other overwhelming emotions that really really fucking suck right now.
First of all, I am sick as a dog with a horrible sore throat, sinus infection and on top of all that I’m PMSing like a motherfucker. (Sorry for all you males out there reading this, that’s the last reference I’ll make towards that for the rest of this post). I really have trouble getting my shit done when I’m sick, and believe me, there’s shit to be done. There’s the 8-10 page paper on the 5 Macroeconomic schools of thought, there’s the 15 minute presentation on Trichotillomania, 3 Casework Journals, plus finals in every class except one. I have an outstanding balance on my student account of 1,000 dollars that I have to pay up by Friday or else they’re turning it over to a collection agency. I also can’t visit him this weekend anymore because we both have too much shit to do. Which really fucking sucks, because usually when I feel like shit he’s the only one who can really make me feel better.
I know I’m being ridiculously self-centered and selfish; plenty of kids my age are having the same if not worse problems to deal with. So why am I having such a hard time staying on top of my shit? I watched a movie over the weekend that wasn’t even meant to be sad and I broke out bawling. Isn’t that pathetic?
I need to go to the doctor. I need a pick me up. I need out of this rut now before I’m ruined for these next two weeks! Why can’t this wait till after finals?

100 Truths

I do these quizzes on facebook sometimes when I'm bored. I guess this is a way for anyone listening to read a little more about moiself:

1. Last beverage: Limonata from the French Market downtown
2. Last phone call: My landlord
3. Last text message: Him :D
4. Last song you listened to: that song that goes "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..."
5. Last time you cried: Two days ago I think? I was really sick and it was that time of the month.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: Unfortunately... (shouldn't have even dated him once. )
7. Been cheated on: I don't think so. There will be hell to pay if I'm wrong.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: I don't regret kissing people, however I regret screwing some...
9. Lost someone special: Of course
10. Been depressed: Every 28 days
11. Been drunk and threw up: ...I'm in college.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12: Purple
13: Black
14: Red

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend: I try to as much as possible!
17. Laughed until you cried: More like every other day
18. Met someone who changed you: Only I can change me
19. Found out who your true friends were: I suppose...?
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Not that I can remember.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: WELL........
23. How many kids do you want: 3 but I'm scared for my vadge
24. Do you have any pets: Dog and cat!
25. Do you want to change your name: I used to... But I guess it's not so bad. Plus I have no idea how one goes about legally changing their name.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Saw Gogol Bordello and spent the weekend with him
27. What time did you wake up today: Like 11. Missed class.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching tv, should have slept.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Finals week to be OVER
30. Last time you saw your Mother: Yesterday!
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I'd like to have a car :)
32. What are you listening to right now: Pretty Lights
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: really? talked to? yeah. tom's my dad. wooptie-damn-doo...
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now: My Gender Studies instructor. She's a megabitch
35. Most visited web page: Google, DUH!
36. Whats your real name: L***** M**** G******
37. Any nicknames: Lolo, Lo, Lolita
39. Zodiac sign: Aries-Taurus Cusp
40. Male or female: Female........... :D))
41. Primary School: Academy of the Sacred Heart in Chicago
42. Secondary School: See above
43. High school/college: Lake Forest High School/University of Illinois
44. Write w/e you want here: My nodes are swollen and I could use a cup of tea
45. Long or short: It's about girth not length... Ovbiously ;)
46. Height: 5'3"
47. Do you have a crush on someone: I pretty much always do
48. What do you like about yourself: my clothes, my sarcasm, my ability to flirt well
49. Piercings: multiple ears, and my left eyebrow
51. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS:

52. First surgery: Getting my shark-tooth removed
53. First piercing: Ears ovbiously
55. First sport you joined: Cross-Country
56. First vacation: Niagra Falls!
58. First pair of trainers: I wish I knew what this meant...

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating: Yogurt-covered pretzels. Well, I was until I realized how sweet they were...
60. Drinking: Nothing
61. I'm about to: Netti-pot my nose
62. Listening to: Didn't we already ask this? Like 3 times???
63. Waiting for: The sickness to LEAVE!!!

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids: Yes
65. Get married: Yes
66. Career: Child Social Work

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes: The eyes are the nipples of the face.
68. Hugs or kisses: Mmm kisses
69. Shorter or taller: Guys=taller Girls=shorter
70. Older or Younger: Guys=older
71. Romantic or spontaneous: BOTH!
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: probably stomach
73. Sensitive or loud: Hmm... depends
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship. I hate fucking people I'm not dating.

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger: Sure I have
77. Drank hard liquor: Um... Yeah. Badass.
78. Lost glasses/contacts: I dont wear either
79. Sex on first date: Depends on whether or not he's really super duper hot
80. Broken someone's heart: I hope not! Maybe...
82. Been arrested: Don't want to talk about it.
83. Turned someone down: Who hasn't?
84. Cried when someone died: Of course
85. Fallen for a friend: Sure

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: Mostly
87. Miracles: No
88. Love at first sight: I don't know
90. Santa Clause: I wish
91. Kiss on the first date: Hopefully a little more action than that
92. Angels: I'm an angel.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No!
95. Did you sing today: Every day
96. Ever cheated on somebody: Never
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: I wish I could go FORWARD in time
99. Are you afraid of falling in love: of course not
100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths: Scared shitless

Adorable...?

Thoughts on... Douchebag Cyclists

I've been meaning to rant about this for a while now. But today I really got set off. I am on thanksgiving break officially today, and I decided to take my family dog out for a bike ride on my home town's bike path. This is something I do all the time, Cooper is in very good shape and was bred for endurance. However, I don't bike that fast when I'm riding with him and whenever someone passes me I simply pull his leash closer to me and allow them to proceed. This has never caused a problem with anyone before, but today this bitch in her retarded spandex (you know, the ones that have the logos of fake sponsers all over them?) passed me whist screaming "you're being RIDICULOUSLY dangerous" and then wisked away. This infuriated me because I was not being dangerous at all, not that it was any of her fucking buisness anyways.

It seems as if no matter what, cyclists are never lacking in an asshole comment to shout at you. What really pisses me off is the fact that it's such a pussy move. Yeah, anyone can shout obscenities at you and then peddle their pansy ass away. Next time, try a real confrontation you fucking prick.

I hardly ever drive, I don't own a car. So I'm not trying to get into an eco-friendly argument right now. However, on the rare occasion that my parents have lent me their car, nothing infuriates me more than an asswipe biker biking in the middle of a traffic lane when theres a bike lane (or in the case of my hometown, an incredibly nice bikepath) literally 5 feet away from them. This is when they go from being assertive to being an outright cocksucker. You don't see me driving in your bike lane, now do you? And if I did, I would never hear the end of it. Roads were built for driving on, however I understand the reasons why people prefer to ride bikes. This being said, a pissed off taxi driver could easily tap you and send you flying 20 feet. So, maybe next time you want to spew some dickhead comments at a motorist, you should consider that.
And to the whore who yelled at me today, go fuck yourself.

Not Cool.

I was just on facebook and I came across his ex-girlfriend's photo album. I wasn't stalking her or anything, her album showed up on my feed. But what caught my eye and caused me to click on her album is the fact that she had the EXACT SAME American Apparel leotard as me. In fact, I had just worn it out for the first time this weekend. That's also when she wore it. We even both wore black bandeaus underneath it. And judging by the chronological order of her photos, I came to the conclusion that we wore it on the exact same night as well. I know I can't be mad at her about it, it's not like she knew I bought it, but I really just want someone to tell me I look better in it.

I'm gonna do a Who Wore It Best, so gimme your honest opinion:

I blurred out my friend's face and hers as well. I thought I'd post pictures of us that weren't super flattering, but weren't super bad either. They're both off facebook.

UPDATE: Katy Perry has the same leotard as me too. I guess I'm okay with that one: http://www.showbiz-i.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Katy-Perry-Covers-Maxim-Magazine-January-1-500x693.jpg

Um... Delish?

Yesterday a friend told me about a little place on Clark street called The Meatloaf Bakery which specializes in a growing trend of "Meatloaf Cupcakes" and other classic comfort foods stylized to look like bakery treats.
Personally, I am not that big on sweets or baked goods but I respect the craft since it is as much about the over all aesthetic presentation of the food as the actual taste of it. This resturaunt seems to be the cure for the common comfort foods! Of course I would take a blob of meat and potatoes on my plate over some precious little sweet that won't sustain you for more than 20 minutes, but this new trend has started something groundbreaking: Meatloaf can be beautiful. As Cynthia, chief chef at The Meatloaf Factory says, "Each creation is meant to bring a smile to your face and great joy to your tummy. Just like the comfort you remember".
What more could I ask for? You can learn more about The Meatloaf Bakery at http://www.themeatloafbakery.com/.

Why you gotta kill my buzz? (literally)

Recently, the State Liquor Authority placed a ban on FourLoko; a.k.a. the cheapest drunk ever next to 40s. Liquor stores are required to clear their inventory of said drink by December 10th.
Of course this pisses me off. People who are 21 (or people who have good fake ids) should be able to drink it for themselves and decide whether or not they want to continue drinking this shitty tasting malt beverage. Dennis Rosen, the liquor authority chairman says that "We have an obligation to keep products that are potentially hazardous off the shelves, and there is simply not enough research to show that these products are safe". Bullshit. The only research they've done to show that it isn't safe is overhearing college kids calling it "blackout in a can". It's a bit of an exaggeration, but leave it to the bureaucrats to take it oh so literally. What are you, my mom??? Alchohol is legal. Caffiene is legal. Irish coffee has been around for ages. Outlawing FourLoko won't stop me from pounding Jagerbombs. You're just being a douche but acting all high and mighty like you're a real humanitarian.
To be honest, I pretty much hate every flavor or FourLoko besides orange. But it really grinds my gears that we've been getting more and more freedoms stripped from us these past couple of years. Weed is one thing, I can buy that shit easily under the radar. But where are people gonna find clove cigarettes and FourLokos on the black market?
Just because government legislators think something is bad, doesn't mean that they should cut off everyone from it. If I was rich and classy I probably wouldn't touch FourLoko either, but I'm a broke-ass college student looking for something that will keep me buzzed for hours that wont burn a hole in my wallet. But of course idiots like Senator Charles Schumer say shit like "These drinks are spreading like a plague across the country and you need to do everything you can to protect the children". Senator Schumer can go fuck himself for all I care. This has nothing to do with children. This has to do with people who are legally allowed to buy alchohol, and people who paid enough money for a good fake id (who deserve to buy alchohol considering how expensive this holograph/blacklight technology is getting).
This is Amuurika dammit! Let me abuse my body how I want!

My Life is Complete

I fell in love after seeing these kicks in a window display on State street. They set me back over a hundred bucks *cringe* but I honestly couldn't go on with my life unless I owned them.

Wonderful Wonderful Wonderful.

My weekend, that is. I sort of spontaneously drove up to Ann Arbor with a friend of mine and we stayed in her friends house at U of Michigan for the weekend. But that wasn't the totally amazing part.

The downright dirty part of the weekend was getting to see Pretty Lights in Detroit!!!! Seriously, it was fucking incredible. I thought I was going to cry at one point the show was so beautiful. The only thing I was pissed about was that it was an all-ages show, meaning it had to be over by midnight. Seriously, when it was over I felt like I could have danced for another 2 hours. Mainly because of the illegal substances that were scrambling my eggs but I could have been sober and had just as much fun! Oh. Did I mention I'm seeing them on New Years too? Yup. Except this time, I won't have to drive to the butt hole of America to get to the show. They're playing here, in Chicago!

So a series of crazy things happened after the show on Friday. Walking out of the theatre, there was a thick hazy fog surrounding the city. I was super loopy at this point, so I had to really focus to make sure that I was in real life. You literally couldn't see for than 5 feet in front of you. It was kinda creepy, actually. Then. Out of nowhere. I feel someone wrap their arms around me from behind. I jump around, startled, and it's a fucking drunken midget hobo wearing an Eskimo coat! I wanted to shriek and take a bath in purel but instead I just stared at him/her with dinner plate eyes as he/she continued to stumble through the fog.

Then, amidst all of the confusion and inability to see, we realize that we are literally standing in the middle of a busy street, blocking traffic. We realize this because a cop literally drove up next to us with his siren yelling on his speakers to get the fuck off the road. I really couldn't handle all of the craziness at this point. But I still had to find like 3 or 4 people that got separated from us in the chaos. And I was dying of dehydration.

So eventually I find the rest of my friends and hop back on the party bus and start heading back to Ann Arbor. However, despite the fact that the driver says he totally knows where he's going, its really starting to feel like we're lost as hell. The fog sure didn't help, but finally we made it back on the I-94. We get back to Ann Arbor and get dropped off at this frat because they're the ones that paid for the bus. Mind you, that we're still in our skimpy rave outfits and we still have to walk back to our friends house later in like 30 degree weather.
One of the boys at the house is drinking straight out of their Brita water pitcher, and lets me have as much as I want, but he insists that he pours it into my mouth. So I played his flirty little game for the soul reason that the icy cold water tasted like liquid candy to me in the moment; a sweet, life-sustaining elixir. Of course I end up with water all over me though, and had a fun sprint in the cold back to our friends house.
We sat up talking until 5 or 6 in the moring since we were so wired sleep really wasn't an option. But then I made the wonderful discovery of Advil PM in one of my million zipper-compartments in my purse. Thank god I'm such a pack-rat. Soon after popping them shits I entered a trippy-ass dream world. I couldn't even tell if I was awake or really just hallucinating hardcore. I was a fun ride though, I'll give it that.
Overall, I'll give Friday's Pretty Lights show a 4.5 out of 5 stars. It was my third Pretty Lights show, and the only thing that I didn't like was how soon it ended! New Years should be the shit cause it HAS to go late late late. I'll post a review for that show as well. But for now, I am swamped with schoolwork until Thanksgiving, and gots to go!!!!

Rainbow Jello. Simply Marvelous.

Despite being more on the tomboy end of the spectrum (no pun intended. okay, maybe it was intentional after all) I happen to love bright colors and anything rainbow. I recently bought a pair of ADORABLE undies that had rainbow stripes and when I proudly showed them off for "him" he simply said, "are these supposed to be gay pride or something?". I hadn't even thought gay pride when I bought them, and I think it's unfair that gays are hogging up all the rainbows these days. I'm all for gay pride and doing your thang, (plus the parade is the perfect excuse to rock Roy G. Biv) but don't hate on me for rockin what should belong to everyone!
Tangent aside, I was given a link to this recipie for rainbow jello by Samantha at TheHipsterMom.com and I simply have to make it! I'm thinking of adding gin to make it super fun!
You can check out the recipie yourself at http://zakkalife.blogspot.com/2010/10/rainbow-jello-recipe.html.
Enjoy!

Thoughts on... Overbearing Customer Service

If you live in Chicago like me, and you ever go shopping on the Magnificent Mile, you might have hit up their fairly new Victoria's Secret location. No, I don't mean the one in Water Tower Place, but the one thats literally a block and a half down from Water Tower Place. Don't ask me why they need two in such a close vicinity of eachother, it's not really the point of my story.

My point is that I simply cannot go to that store anymore. Everytime I walk in to that store I am ambushed within mileseconds by their fucking annoying customer service. My trip yesterday went like this:

"HIIII! Welcome to VICTORIA'S SECRET!" Oh gee, that's where I am?

"What are you looking for today???" Actually, I'm just kind of browsing.

"OKAY, well do you know about our 10-Dollar Gift Cards??" No.

"WELL. If you buy more than 10 dollars worth of items today, you automatically get a free gift card. It has at least 10 dollars on it, but it can have up to 500! Isn't that great??? OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR EARRINGS. THEY'RE SO ADORABLE!"

***

Mind you that this was within 10 feet of the door. This particular location has two floors and a ton of ground to cover. I walk over to the perfumes and not two seconds after I'm standing do I get attacked again:

"HII, do you know about our 10-Dollar Gift Cards?" Yeah, actually. The girl standing by the door told me all about it.

"WELL. If you buy more than 10 dollars worth of items today, you automatically get a free gift card. It has at least 10 dollars on it, but it can have up to 500! Isn't that great???" Lady, I just told you I already knew about it. Are you reciting a script or something?

***

Already midly irritated, I walk over to the underwear drawers. Out of nowhere, another one pops out and scares the shit out of me:

"HII, what size are you looking for??" Extra-small I guess.

"Okay, well the extra-smalls are in the top drawer." Thanks.

Then she looks over at the book I'm holding.

"Is that a good book???" Well, actually it's my Macro textbook, so I don't particually enjoy it.

"Oh, well thats nice... Just so you know, these panties are 3 for 30 dollars." Thanks again.

I was at a different underwear drawer when the SAME girl said pretty much the EXACT same thing to me. Like she hadn't even remembered the conversation we'd had less than 10 minutes before.

***

Now their PINK section consists of the entire second floor, so as I go up the escalator there are not one, but TWO girls waiting at the entrance. Both of them give me the typical:

"HII..." and then one of them simply goes,

"Do you like our store???" With this crazed smile. I'm starting to think this is a joke to them. At least I hope so.

***

I'm sure these girls have to say that stuff because their managers make them, but honestly, they don't have to sound like TOTAL robots. Like, to the point where they're not even listening to what I'm saying to them. I don't want to be told a million times about your stupid 10-dollar gift cards, which is why I said I already knew about them. And I'm not an idiot, there are tags which clearly label the sizes of your underwear. If I need help, I'll ask you. I don't need you hovering over me like helecopter.

***

Needless to say, I abandoned ship yesterday and hit up the one in Water Tower Place. Sure, it's smaller. But they still a pretty big selection, and the customer sercvice people are SO MUCH MORE laid back. I don't know what it is about that other location, but it's like those girls are all on crack. Take my advice people, if you're ever shopping on Michigan Avenue, just walk the extra block and a half north to get your Vicky's fix. It'll save your sanity.

Thoughts on... Jailbait Bitches

Recently I saw news of Gossip Girl star gone angry, raccoon-eyed, wannabe-Cherie-Currie Taylor Momsen flash her a-cup titties at a show in New York. She's either 16 or 17, I'm not sure which.
First of all, I think it's ridiculous that she goes from this perfect little princess to this "rebellious", rocking, eyeliner enthusiast in like a week. It's just such a poser move on her part. She ovbiously has someone dressing her and doing her makeup (terribly). I just don't understand it. Does she think she's fooling anyone? She's like an underage, sluttier, version of Ashlee Simpson. And black nipple tape? Hm... haven't seen that look sported before. Oh wait, we have millions of times by Lady Gaga, the queen of pop. But isn't Momsen famous for bashing pop music in interviews? Guess she needs to steal ideas not only from The Runaways frontwoman, but pop singers too.

***

Second of all, her attitude sucks! I've seen this girl in interviews and she just goes into them with this "I'm better than everyone here" attitude and this "This world has left me with no emotions other than anger" outlook. Maybe if she graduated high school she could actually see that life has a lot more shit in store for her. She's not even old enough to buy a pack of cigarettes, or get into any of these clubs she's performing in. It's just hard to think someone's badass when they aren't even allowed out after 11.

***

Finally, pulling down your training bra and revealing your mosquito bites when youre 16 is just being a plain old pricktease. No one likes a nice piece of jailbait. Well, I suppose thats not true, but that means she's basically begging to be molested by the way she's acting. No guy thats even remotely decent would tap that, so I hope she enjoys being the subject of 50-year-old perverts fantasies for the rest of her time here on earth.

***

I used to think that Miley was a huge joke as well as an underage wannabe. But honestly Miley, keep on keepin on, because your friend Taylor over here has lowered the bar significantly for you.

***

Taylor isn't the only one getting ripped on. Underage stars like Dakota Fanning and Brooke Shields have been criticized for acting too old for their age by the media as well. What seperates them apart from this attention whore is that they can push the envelope while still having a bit of class and grace about themselves. They speak with eloquence and maturity and explain their reasoning for taking on more adult-themed projects in their carreers. Taylor goes into these interviews acting like a know-it-all, only making herself look even more like a dumb ignorant teenager. Her immaturity shows that she isn't dressing for herself, but simply for attention.

***

OH, I almost forgot, who the hell prances around on stage in a bustier on her period??? Now her tampon string and blood-stained undies are out for the entire internet to see. Way to go Taylor, hope yer mom is proud of you.

Weeeeeekend Waaaaars!!

What a fantastically freaky weekend! Happy Hangover Everyone!

Let's Do The Time Warp Again!

Are you as excited about halloween as I am? I love getting in the spirit with creepy movies, one of my favorites being, you guessed it, Rocky Horror. If you haven't seen it I strongly reccomend it. And if you want to be even more wild, see it live. You'll have tons of fun, I promise you that.

I've been adding final touches here and there to my costume, and finally got some high quality figure skater tights so I don't die of hypothermia! I'll post a picture a little later. It's not totally finished yet.

BY THE WAY, did anyone notice that Glee did a Rocky Horror themed episode? I haven't seen it yet. But do they act out the whole movie? That'd be pretty cool actually.

Another way to get in the spirit would be to go to Party City or Michael's with your friends, (getting stoned can make this even more fun) and grabbing whatever the hell you want! Costumes. Decorations. Cake decorations. Oh my!

Also, try making your costume yourself! It'll be more special because it's personal. You'll also be more excited to show it off!

By the time you've done all these things, you'll love halloween as much as me! Enjoy

Pervert.

On with the horrific story that I promised.
I was studying for my Gender Studies midterm via a review guide my teacher posted online. I was doing this in one of my school's many computer labs. For some horrific stroke of bad luck, I ended up sitting next to a total freakshow. The kid looked normal when I sat next to him, but my wandering eyes left me soon to realize that that wasn't the case. No, not at all.
After 5 or 10 minutes, I glance over at his screen, and he's looking at porn! On a school computer! He wasn't really even being stealth about it, in fact, he seemed too busy stroking his chin and staring intently at the screen. I turned my head towards him and gave him the dirtiest look I could conjure up. He didn't even have the balls to make eye contact with me and simply changed the screen for roughly 5 seconds before going back to his XXXfest. Even the lab supervisor walked up (cause DUH, they see everything you're doing) and said that he needed to cut it out or he was going to kick his creepy ass out of there. Once again, switched the screen for a few seconds and then went back to acting like a 13 year old boy.
I wish my story ended there, I really really do. I was texting some of my friends about it, saying how ridiculous it was, and pointless really. It's not like he was gonna whip it out right then and there. Right? Right? Well, that may have technically been true, but he certainly tried to improvise.
Yep, I look over and the little freak is sliding his hand into his jeans pocket. Thats when I jumped up, grabbed my shit, and got the fuck out of dodge. Why the hell wouldn't he use his OWN computer for that shit? Does he get off to being aroused in public? Who the hell decided to admit him to my school? Am I going to be scarred for life?
What a friggin pervert. It kind of creeps me out that kids like that just wander around my school as well as colleges everywhere going completely unnoticed. I think I'm going to start carrying a tazer with me at all times.

It's not that I'm Lazy, It's Just That I Don't Care

So far, there are 4 things that are wrong about today:

1. The shitty old phone I've been using since my phone got stolen wont stop shorting out.
2. Theres a hole in the crotch of my favorite tights.
3. I can't stop from getting really emotional when I blaze.
4. I miss him like a regular lame-ass. Like I wish he was visiting me right meow.

There are some days that I just know are going to suck and drag on forever. I need to motivate myself so I don't just mope around my place all day.

Oh, and I have a disturbing story to post about within the next day or so. I just don't have the energy to even think about it right now. Stay tuned.

Whatever Happened to My Transylvania Twist?

Halloween is almost here! And if you're like me you'd NEVER buy a store-bought costume. It just simply kills the fun! My favorite costume had to be the paper-mache (it wont let me put the accent over the e) ladybug I made all by myself is 4th grade. Yeah, I went through a weird ladybug phase. But that's not the point! The point is, during Halloween, I like to go balls to the wall, so to speak. Go big or go home. This year my costume of choice is:

Katy Perry in her lollipop bra! I have a secret fetish for Katy Perry like none other. People call her music shit, and say she's a poser, but I think she fucking kicks ass! I mean, sure she's not the next Janis Joplin but who the fuck cares? She's not trying to act like her music is serious shit anyway. And OH MY GOD her clothes kick ass. I think she is how I would dress if I was filthy rich and that gorgeous.

Now the thing about dressing up like famous people is that you kinda have to be spot-on when copying them or no ones gonna know who the hell you're supposed to be. This was basically my process:

1. Boobs: I was really adamant about finding a pink bustier that was cropped like the one Katy is wearing but alas I have found no such luck. I wasn't so picky about the glitter, but I wanted the cut to look similar. I found one that was close enough at Hollywood Mirror on Belmont and Halsted with pink satin underneath black lace. I then proceeded to CAREFULLY cut the top layer of lace off with a seam ripper and a pair of tiny barber scissors. This should suffice so far but I will literally keep my eyes out for that perfect bustier until the 31st.

2. Booty: The shorts were just about as hard to find as the bra was, but fortunately these were a little easier to improvise with. I was disappointed with the lack of colors The Disco Short came in at my local American Apparel so I compromised with this High Waist Hotshort that came in a bunch of colors, including bright blue. I took this pair and basically annihilated it with Tulip's Fabric Glitter Spray in silver. Now this stuff is said to be permanent, but one night is all I need.

3. Face: For my eyes I'll use an old favorite of mine, Maybelline Eye Studio Lasting Drama Gel Eyeliner in black of course. This shit won't budge, I promise you that. I've slept in it before and woken up with perfect eyes. Then I'll top it off with some fake eyelashes and call it a day. For my lips I will use Buxom Big & Healthy Lip Stick in Las Vegas. I highly recommend this lipstick as well, it's super comfortable and super opaque. I'll probably end up putting some glitter on my face as well since I'm going to a concert that night.

4. The Rest: I know you can kind of see that Katy is wearing flesh-colored fishnets but considering how cold it already is here in Chicago that might not be a possibility. I'm probably going to opt for some thick, dancing tights in a flesh tone. The lollipops are a no brainer, but I have some 3M tape to stick them to my bra cups with to ensure that they aint goin nowhere. I found a giant candy cane lying around in a closet over here, which is perfect because if you actually watch her performance she carries one.

. . .

And that was how I got my shit together for the best holiday ever! I'm going to be going to the Bassnectar concert at the Aragon on that Saturday night and will head off to a friend's party afterward. If you're going to Bassnectar too, look out for this costume!

My Friday Night

My phone got stolen from me at a party last night. I feel so naked. So cut off. So pissed! My phone isn't even that nice either. It doesn't even get internet. Well, I guess it could, but it's that stupid mobile internet that would take forever (if I actually paid to have it) and only lets you view some sights. Also, it was totally scratched and ugly.

Gosh I hope they don't decide to read my texts. I am regretting not deleting my inbox. But honestly, who steals someone's phone? It's not like they'll be able to get money for it. It was a piece of shit! It's not like they'll be able to keep using it either, I'm not retarded enough to keep letting it get service. Is it true that you can track down iPhones using their internal GPS?

So that's the pickpocket part, on to the loose women. I observed the most ridiculous display of libido in all of mankind last night. This one girl stumbles into the room I'm in, completely obliterated. She approached me and a friend of mine, first trying to be all flirty-flirty with him, and then moving on to me! She explained where she'd strap a dildo on herself if I were to hook up with her. That's a little too forward for me, personally. Apparently it was a little too forward for my friend too, and we tried to bail away from her. Unfortunately, she followed us into a big room of people and performed numerous acts to try to diverge the attention onto her. This worked obviously, and some guy pinned her down right in front of everyone and made out with her for a good few minutes. I regret that my story does not end there though. After making out with about 6 or 7 other people (boys and girls) publicly, she goes upstairs with this other guy that kind of just appeared out of nowhere. Next thing I know, crazyface is being carried out of the party and the guy has a split lip that's gushing blood. Apparently in a sexual frenzy, this girl managed to tear the shit out of his lip with her teeth. He looked like he needed some serious stitches. I think I saw bite and claw marks on this kid's neck as well.

I know this story doesn't have much to do with anything, but I honestly have never seen anything so crazy in my entire life. Ok, thats not true, but I certainly have never seen a girl (or boy for that matter) make such a spectacle of themselves at a party before! Oh mon dieu!

So if you're reading this, tell me the craziest thing thats ever happened to you at a party before. Do it, come on. It'll make me feel like someone is actually reading what I have to say. Pretty please? :D

Thoughts on... Legalizing it.

Yes I smoke pot. Not every single day, I'm not one of those people who gets bored without it, but I smoke it on a regular basis. Yes, I know it's not the most productive thing to do with your time. Yes, I know it's expensive. Yes I know it makes you lazy, eat too much, forget things, and giggle when nothing's funny.

But to be perfectly honest, what has weed done that's really hurt anyone?

It's a gateway drug. Stop blaming an innocent cannabis plant on you or your friend's heroin addiction.
It's addictive. Do you even know anything about addiction? The trans fats in your Mickey D's cheeseburger have more addictive properties than THC. Not to mention McDonald's actually KILLS people.

It causes memory problems, difficulty thinking, and a decline in judgement and problem-solving skills. This is a really twisted statistic. Yes, when your high you become forgetful and maybe can't do your Calc homework, but it's only while youre high. It has no permanent or even long term effects on the brain.

Legalizing it will cause an influx of users. Buying a bag is easier than buying alchohol if you're underage. Anyone who wants to smoke weed will.

Get off your fucking pedastal, people. There are way more harmful things that are truly destroying our country right now that are perfectly legal and always will be. Actual moral issues. Like, I don't know, the fact that Walmart abuses it's employees on a daily basis and is driving up our tax dollars by the billions because they refuse to give their workers any actual benefits. Or how about the fact that it's still legal for an adoption agency to turn a couple away because they are gay?

It's interesting the way we prioritize things. Oh well, agree with me or not about legalizing it, don't you think we should be putting our government's money towards things that actually matter? If it's not your thing, rock the fuck on. You're allowed to make your choice about it, shouldn't I be allowed to make mine?

Good Week!

So I forgot to share with you all the things that happen to be looking up in my life right now! I know this blog isn't really supposed to be one of those personal dump-your-heart-out sort of things, but I was really excited and didn't know who to share my shit with! Also, I tend to be kinda superstitious about jynxing things, so I didnt want to tell a bunch of people and have it not work out.
1. I recieved a federal grant because of my grades last year. It nearly covers half my tuition this semester! Which is still a mere fraction in the grand scheme of things, but hey! It sure as hell is a start!
2. I got an awesome job offer. Like so perfect I could die. The pay is amazing and the hours are flexible. They are even offering to send me a security deposit to ensure that I'll be taking the job!
3. My nails are so pretty right now! I don't really paint my fingernails, because as soon as the color chips I can't seem to stop picking at them. Toes last longer too. But they've been growing so fast and they haven't chipped or anything! I can't stop looking down at my hands and smiling.

Thats all for now. I'll come up with something interesting to post about soon. Even though I'm still pretty sure no one reads this!

The reason I am so excited is because I'm trying to be positive lately. After a few months of uncertainty and cynicism it sure feels great to get a break!

Know your caffiene limit.

It's hard to tell how I handle caffiene. sometimes I pop an excedrin (or 3) and become the most antisocial/productive person I have met. But there are days when I go through black coffee cup after cup, and it doesn't do shit.

It kind of has the same effect on my brain as adderall, I have never studied the simliaries or differences between caffiene and dextroamphetamine and their effect on the brain, but I will certainly make a note to do so. Maybe I'll even end up doing that later since I probably won't be falling asleep for a while tonight. I just took a 200mg caffiene pill brand-named "No-Doze" and it's certainly living up to its name.

I think my heart is about to jump out of my chest and then run a marathon.

But anyway, despite creating notecards for my econ midterm in under an hour, finishing my crazy important essay due and midnight, and contacting the finance office, I don't really like myself right now. I'll probably end up cleaning like a crazy person pretty soon, that seems to be what I (and everyone else I seem to know thats done adderall) end up doing by the 5th hour of this craziness.

I was thinking of going to the gym and spinning for a while, but since my appetite is shot and I haven't eaten really anything all day thats probably a horrible idea.

Needless to say, these pills probably cause heart problems and maybe even temporary insanity. That doesn't mean I won't use them again when finals come around....

Oh. And I got a comment, and not from someone I know. Cool!

Sorry.

It's been an overwhelming past few months or so, but I promise (mostly to myself, since its not likely that anyone reads this) to add many new posts soon. I promise I promise I promise!!!

Love,

Lauren

Thoughts On... The Brazilian

Let's be honest. Times have changed. No longer do women resemble the spreads in the 1970s Playboys that you found in your grandfather's attic. We couldn't even buy a bathing suit these days that would cover up all that bush.

Girls (and guys sometimes, too) remove their hair down there for many reasons. Ovbiously, comfort is a big reason. Why would you want to feel scruffy down there when you could feel smooth as silk? The opposite sex (or same sex, depending on how you swing) is ovbiously the other major factor.

From what I know from friends stories and whatnot, most younger girls opt to shave their privates rather than wax them. It's cheaper, and saves the awkwardness of having to bear all for a complete stranger in a salon.

However, anyone that has gotten waxed knows that its totally worth it. It lasts longer, feels smoother, and looks neater. Not to mention, that breif pain you expirience on the table? Completely worth it. Those few hours of soreness will fade quickly and you will expirience weeks without shaving irritation.

But please, please, please understand something. It isn't cheap, but you certainly get what you pay for. Those at home kits? A complete waste of time, money, and quite honestly, you can really hurt yourself if you don't know what youre doing. They're innefective when it comes to removing the hair, and end up leaving a huge sticky mess in your bathroom.

Another thing. Remember when I said you get what you pay for? I'm serious, people. Don't go to some rinky dink salon just because their prices are better. You'll end up with a weird looking haircut down there. I speak from expirience. YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR.

Well, thats enough pube talk for one post. See you soon?

Thoughts On... Couples That Should Just Break Up Already!!!

I'm sure you've known a couple like this. There's usually at least one in every group of friends.

They love to hate each other. They love to argue constantly and make up about it 20 minutes later. But worst of all, they love to CONSTANTLY BITCH ABOUT IT TO THEIR FRIENDS.

You of course, the loyal friend, gets put in a predicament. Do tell your friend the truth? That you think it's time to consider other people to start dating? Or do you bite your lip and lie? And say that you think the two of them will make it, thus dragging the painfully frustrating relationship out further.

We all know the answer. Of course you end up lying. Because if you tell the truth, you'll just end up upsetting your delusional friend for not believing in their embarrassing excuse for a relationship. No matter how dysfunctional they are, they always want to be told that they'll be able to "make it work". Make it work? MAKE IT WORK??? Oh, how I fucking hate those three words. Obviously you're not meant to be together if you have to make it work. "Make It Work" is just Dysfunctional-Couple-Doublespeak for "Forcing Ourselves to be Together".

This is a message out to all you couples out there who are hanging on to each other by a thread: just end it already. If you don't have enough self-respect to do it for yourself, at least do it for your friends so they don't have to hear about it anymore. Trust me, they're thisclose to smacking you in the face.

Now, a message to all you unfortunate friends who have to deal with this shit day-in and day-out: I feel your pain. Unfortunately, as you probably already know, there's nothing you can do but fight that urge to kick their ass you feel every time they open their mouth about it. Hopefully someday, they'll see the light.

KYU Sushi Chicago: A Poor Foodie's Dream

I'd like to start off with a restaurant review for my first real post.

If you're like me and you're a bit of a sushi snob, you know the real deal from the half-assed kind of sushi. And as "contemporary" and elegant as the website (http://www.kyusushichicago.com/) makes it out to be, you'll be pleasantly surprised at the prices! I first found it on http://www.grubhub.com/ while looking for a place that could deliver me a spicy tuna roll.

When I first saw the prices, I thought there had to be a mistake. 5 dollars for a spicy tuna roll and a buck fifty for miso soup! Not to mention the 4 star reviews they received on http://www.yelp.com/ as well as others. You can call in to order or order online, but I guess I'm old fashioned and always prefer to speak with a real person to MAKE SURE they know exactly what I want.

I ordered delivery and my food arrived almost exactly when they said it would, which was nice since I live in a dorm and have to go down to the front doors to meet the delivery man. Overall, I am very pleased with my experience using KYU Sushi and would recommend it to anyone in the Chicago area. They deliver, pickup, cater and are BYOB in the restaurant located at 939 N. Ashland Avenue. Need I say more?

So...

My first post, huh. I really hate telling people about myself. It's boring.

Lets see.... I'm female. I'm in college. I'm in the City of Chicago. I like good food, partying, and my friends.

My thoughts on Obama? He's not the Messiah, so please stop acting like he is. I don't look at him as the worst president ever, but as much as his idealism raises our spirits, he isn't just pulling resources out of his ass. People who are employed, people like me, have to give up larger and larger portions of their paychecks (money WE worked for) to "government"-funded programs. And as much as I'd love to pay your mortgage, I'd like to pay off my college tuition first. I'm not being overly cynical. I just know that a solution to one problem is the start of another.

My thoughts on Drugs? Laissez-Faire. Drugs don't ruin lives, people ruin their own lives. Do I smoke weed? Yes. Have I done other drugs? Yes. I'm pretty open about that to everyone I know. I will never do crack, meth, or heroin. The drugs I have tried (and by tried I mean on occasion, non-habitually) are psychedelic in nature. I also drink regularly. I don't have an alcohol problem, nor a pot problem. I'm not sure I even believe someone can have a pot problem. Lets be honest, the people who think pot is a scary addictive problematic drug have
never done it before. It's much less harmful than alcohol.

My thoughts on sex? I think the human body is a beautiful creation of nature that should be celebrated. I'm not into "sleeping around" as people might say. But I don't think waiting till marriage makes sense these days. In ancient times, religious leaders told their people to wait until marriage mainly to prevent millions of little bastard children running around with no daddy to feed them. But with our modern advances in birth control, any smart girl should be able to express her sexuality with someone she finds deserving.

OK, that's enough offending people for one day. I respect your opinion whether or not you agree or disagree with me. Please respect mine. Goodnight.