How to Make Every Other Girl's Boobs Look Boring.

Yep, I've finally hand-bejeweled my very own bra, and it only took 2 nights and about half an eighth. I've got to say I'm quite pleased with myself, there is definitely nothing out there like this unless you're willing to drop a pretty big chunk of change. I ended up gluing a design in the center between the two cups as well, but this is a general idea of the end product. If you want your own bedazzled boobies then I can show you what I did and you can figure the rest else for yourself.

So obviously, you need a bra to start off with. I wanted a black background behind the jewels so I

bought this black demi from Target. You don't have to get a new one, you can just use any old

one if you wanna save cash, but all my black bras were too meshy or too lacy to use.

I just went down that aisle in Michael's with all the rhinestones and grabbed anything I liked. I tried to go for a variety of colors and shapes, and yes I bought more than you can see in the picture. I just took out all the doubles and triples so you could get an idea of the variety.

I used a glue by Loctite that the guy from Home Depot recommended to me. I was about two seconds from just buying Gorilla Glue when I saw this shit. I'm so glad I did because this stuff has awesome hold, but is still really flexible, which is good considering there is going to be some

substantial movement when this bra is actually worn.

I started by lining the outer edges of the band with these square shaped crystals (see below) in white to give

the bra somewhat of a border.

Surprisingly, I actually did start off with a general pattern despite how chaotic the end result

looks. I placed the larger jewels in diagonal lines and then tried to place the few shapes around and in between to look random. Then I basically just worked my way with smaller and smaller jewels until the gaps were filled.

Don't ask why I decided to do one cup at a time, I guess it would have just gotten way too

repetitive.

It took me the entire first night to do about 3/4 of the first cup and then the second night I had more of a hang on my technique which made me finish the rest up in less time. I recommend using a pair of jewelry tweezers (or a cosmetic pair you don't care about getting glue on) and squeezing a drop large enough to expand only slightly larger than the bottom of the gem when pressed into the bra. You want the glue to expand out slightly because it will ensure the jewels are secured on not only by their foil backing, but the actual plastic as well. If you don't, then the plastic will eventually fall of and all that will remain is the foil. Trust me. Other than that, good luck and enjoy your blinged boobs. ;)

New Grinder.

It glows in the dark. Dope sauce.

Thoughts on... Deadgirl (2009)

This movie was released in 2009 or so, and I've always sort of heard about it from friends and seeing reviews posted on youtube and the like. Despite reading several reviews, ranging from the amazed to the outright offended, I still didn't know too much about the movie going into it.

If you're going to go look up the trailer after reading this, I'll let you know right now it doesn't really give you any details as to what the movie is really about.

Without going too far into detail, the basic plot of the movie revolves around two characters, JT and Rickie who ditch school one day to go drink and shoot the shit at an abandoned mental asylum. You know how there are some parts in movies when the viewer is like, how are they so at ease right now? Any normal person would think, "hm... abandoned mental asylum" and an instant red flag would have been drawn. But hey, it's a horror movie in the end, and horror movies will almost always leave the audience slapping their heads in frustration with the characters. Moving on, the two main characters find a door in the basement that is rusted shut, so they find a crowbar and pry it open, and this is where the their lives change forever.

I've read many unhappy reviews for this movie, the reviewers chalk it up to a shock-horror flick and nothing else. I've also read many rave reviews saying it was an incredibly cutting-edge, beautiful, philosophical film. I guess I feel somewhat in between of these two stances. I'll start with where I think this film went right:
The subject matter is highly controversial, but I wouldn't call this a shock-horror. I think the moral dilemma is the main theme of Rickie's journey throughout this film, and it depicts that for every time we indulge in our desires, there will be consequences. The editing is great, in my opinion, because I don't see too many horror movies that can truly scare you with the jump-cuts anymore. In addition to the editing, I think this film was also beautifully shot, and I loved the varying moods the cinematographer was able to capture depending on the scenes. I personally am not opposed to gore and violence in a horror film, and I think that this film truly made my skin crawl during some of the scenes. The soundtrack really did set the mood in a lot of the scenes, and while I think it's weak for a horror movie to rely entirely on it's soundtrack, I think this was a good balance. And we can't forget the Deadgirl herself, Jenny Spain. Her performance was beyond freaky and she had little to work with, spending almost the entire film in the same shot.
On to the bad part. Despite the fact that all the characters were supposed to be in high school, there was no way a single one of the actors was younger than 24. One of them even looked to be almost 30, and it's just kind of annoying when the director expects us to believe that these people are 16. I also may be the only one that noticed this, but it seemed like every time Rickie got hurt, he would split his lip and it would drip down his face. Like, how many times can you get hurt in the exact same place? It seemed like the makeup artist was just like, "I can do a good split lip?" every time. There aren't really a whole lot of complaints I can make without spoiling anything so I guess I'll end my spoiler-free review there. Below I'll be getting into the nitty gritty.
Here be spoilers: I think that people who are ultra-feminist and whatnot might consider this movie to be glorifying rape and violence against women, but that's not really the point. The basic moral dilemma is more of an issue of necrophilia, not that I'm saying that's any better. Deadgirl isn't really a girl at all, more of a monster. But what I think the film sort of digs into is what it truly means to be human. The characters are confronted with their desires, navigating their moral compasses, and begin to understand what happens when they falter. In this movie, sex and violence are more of a metaphor for all the evil in the world that we are seduced by as we enter adulthood. In the end, everyone sort of gets theirs, so to speak. It's a rather disturbing coming of age story, but one nonetheless. This movie will leave you feeling disturbed and offended. But I would give it props at least for giving a new twist on the overdone Zombie movie genre.
Over all, I'll give this movie a 7/10. Not too bad, but definitely not great.

People tell me slow my roll, I'm screaming out, FUCK THAT

I'm starting to believe that spring fever is in full effect over me. I just finished an 8 hour work shift and literally don't think I can remember anything remarkable happening to me all day. The only thing giving me motivation is excercise, but since my sinuses have been jam packed for the past four days, I haven't been able to do much of that either.
I know mid terms just ended and all, but theres definitely honey bunches of other shit I need to get done by the time summer rolls around. I need a new job, because the commute would be a bitch when living at home again and it simply doesn't pay THAT well. I need to tackle more financial issues with my school, because there seems to be an infinite amount of things I'm doing wrong for them. And I need to complete 8 more hours of casework with a crisis center in the middle of sketch-ass junkie-town.

The mere thought of handling these things is enough to make me want to crawl under my covers with a joint and a box of oreos. I know I'm not the only one like this either. Plenty of my friends have been telling me the exact same thing. Especially now that I've transferred to a huge school, there is literally no night out of the week where I couldn't go out and find somewhere to get wasted. I may have been able to work and party full time over the summer, but when it comes to being academically challenged, I simply can't keep doing this to myself.

I need a way to get sex and drinking off my mind for another month and a half. I need this for myself so badly, I just wish I could make school and work fun.

Do they have reform schools for adults?

Nails Done Did

Normally I just use a clear nail-treatment sort of polish on my hands. I don't really get manicures, I'd usually rather spend my money on a pedicure (it seems a little more necessary after all). However, with all the great nail strips at Sephora (and at the drug stores! I actually think the Sally Hansen ones work better and last longer than the expensive ass ones) and even more designs I've discovered in magazines, I'm gonna be sure to experiment with these styles in the near future:This silver looks like a foil-sort of nail strip. Looks like I'm gonna have to opt for the more expensive brand, cause Sally has yet to make any metallics like these. I saw this on BleachBlack and I seriously can not wait to rock these!
I actually first saw this style in a magazine a WHILE ago, but still have yet to attempt. Mainly because I want to go for the legit version, not the nail strips with the lace-like pattern. It's said that this can be achieved easily by just pressing lace into semi-wet nail polish. The issue I'm having is that it doesn't seem like cutting lace into the EXACT shape of your nail is going to be any easy feat. Nonetheless, I am determined to achieve this at some point.
I absolutely looooove this modern take on the vintagy half-moon manicure. Instead of just leaving the half-moons in a clear or flesh-tone, she made them a pretty silvery color. I am seriously so in love with this silver and navy blue combo, I think I'm gonna try this style out right after I post this.
OK this may not be nail polish, but would someone PLEASEEEEE tell me where online I can order these? In case you don't know me, I have such a boner for anything that glows in the dark. I simply HAVE to have them for all my summer music festivals. I don't even know what the fuck you call these. These are so much cooler than those attention-whore/douchebags with the gloves at concerts that think they're the absolute shit. I need to know!

Fuck ANYTHING 80s Themed

Are 80s themes anything more than an excuse for girls to wear a an assload of makeup and dress like sluts? Although the girls to the left might beg to differ, I really can't seem to comprehend why else a bunch of people would want to look so retarded all in one place.
A girl wants to dress 80s-themed. So she takes some shitty shirt and cuts the shoulders off of it and then wears her hair in a side ponytail. Oh wait, don't forget the leggings and jean-skirt combo. Are any of those things even 80s? Last time I looked through my Mom's prom pictures, the 80s looked quite different then what people seem to think it is today. But of course, if anyone ACTUALLY wanted to look 80s, then they'd have to sacrifice looking cute. Because the 80s was a hideous decade and should be forgotten forever. I just wish the rest of the country would catch on already.
The more I think about it, the more I think that 80s themes are a trend for ugly and/or fat girls. It's easy to hide your seemingly infinite flaws under layers of neon and spandex. Plus the fact that you get to wear more makeup than an opera singer means that you get to spend a night pretending you're a porcelain doll. A very slutty, scary porcelain doll.
I suppose I shouldn't get so worked up about girls being sluts. I certainly have my moments. But at least when I try to look like I'm asking for it, I do it in a way that guys might actually find attractive. Am I the only one that feels this way????

FML Doesn't Even Come Close...

Although this happened almost a week ago now, I haven't been able to sit down and write about it without becoming so angry that I ended up storming off and either cried or banged my head against the wall.

I borrowed my mother's car last Friday evening because I was going to use it to move a couch from their basement into my apartment in the west loop. Mind you, my parents never let me use their car, ever. This was an occasion among occasions. This may sound unreasonable by a normal person's standards, but my parents don't really cut me much of a break. I pay for pretty much everything on my own, and if I want a car, I need to save up the money from my job and buy one myself. Yeah, yeah, financial responsibility or something like that. I digress.

So since having this car at my disposal was such a momentous occasion, I decided there would be no harm in having a little fun with it instead of returning it home right away. I had the car until about 2am, when I decided I would make the long journey home. I still had to unload the couch from the trunk, so I parked in what I thought was a loading zone and had a friend of mine carry it into the room with me. When I walked back outside, I watched in horror as a tow truck was hauling away with my mother's precious new car. Now, I'm a pretty fast sprinter when I need to be, so I booked it after this truck, and ran along side them for a block or two, waving my hands and begging them to stop. After clearly making eye contact with me, they accelerated and sped off.

When I finally got to the impound lot, I noticed that there was a big, spray painted, "BURN IN HELL, PIGS" on the door leading into the office. Yep, those were pretty much my thoughts exactly. I was informed that I would have to drop two hundo if I wanted my car back. TWO FUCKING HUNDRED DOLLARS. As someone who works pretty much any time she doesn't have class to cover her rent and other expenses, this is a huge burn on my checking account. As if they couldn't have made it any more difficult, they insisted that I pay in cash only. While trying to find a bank that was open at 3am, one of the men working for the towing company told me that he could lend me the cash if I wanted to just write him a check. "Thank god, there are still good people in the world," I thought. Yeah, I might have thanked him too soon.

So I pay the ridiculous fee and get my car home without my parents ever knowing. But sure enough, the guy from the towing company decided that he was going to try calling me and asking me if I would like to go to dinner with him sometime. It's been over a week and he's still texting me asking absurd questions, like whether or not I'm a lesbian. He asked for my license plate number, saying he "decided to see what he can do about refunding my money". He's also asked me if i needed a car for my own, I'm assuming that of which his company obtained from fucking other people over the same way they fucked me. I guess this is karma's way of not letting me forget about what a dumbass I was, but come on. How do you shoot down a guy that has all of your personal information in the records at his skeevy workplace? I'm not really sure how to handle this, but right now I'll top off this story with a big, old fashioned Fuck My Life.

New Pre-Spring Break Diet Recipe! Lowfat Pizza

There are two foods that I absolutely am madly, passionately, despairingly in love with. The first is a good burrito (the healthier, Chipotle-style or the legit greasy Mexican kind), and the second is Pizza. I have been in love with pizza for as long as I remember, and there is never a time when I am not willing to stuff it in my face. This is mainly because I love anything loaded with cheese, but it is also because Chicago is one of the best cities in America to get great pizza (and not just deep dish, you whiny bitches!). That being the case, it's incredibly hard to avoid getting a waft of the heavenly aromas billowing out of a fantastic pizzeria on your average stroll around town.

Normally, this is the point where I would have to make a choice: indulge my insatiable craving for the cheesy, bready, greasy goodness, and hate myself later, or stick to my pre-spring break health regimen, and hate my life now.

However, I have recently come up with a solution that can't replace a good slice of pizza, but certainly helps kick my cravings down a few notches. Below is my Bagel-Pizza creation:

.

1/2 of a Thomas' Plain Bagel (or any brand you prefer)

8/10ths of an Ounce of Freshly Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

About 2 Tablespoons Marinara Sauce

Handful of Chopped Bell Peppers

Pinch of Freshly Torn Basil (never take a knife to basil!)

After piling everything on top of the bagel, I bake this at 450 for about 8 minutes, give or take. And I've now had this for dinner twice already. You can also vary it by trying grilled or sauteed chicken, turkey sausage, or some shredded parmesan cheese as alternate toppings. Its only about 280 calories per pizza, depending on what you put on it.

It sure isn't Pequod's or Lou Malnati's, but it'll do for now...

Thoughts on... Why fashion bloggers suck.

I honestly feel like blogger these days is practically bubbling over with this type of fashion douche. I'm not talking about legitimate fashion blogs written by people with taste and actual experience and cogency in the fashion industry. I'm talking about the bitch who took one sewing class and considers the fact that she can buy as much shit as she wants with her daddy's credit card a good enough qualification to call herself a fashion designer. They all are "aspiring stylists" who might say they work in "The Industry". I'm sorry, I didn't know that working at your local Urban Outfitters makes you the next Anna Wintour.

They like to speak in "Franglish", using a few phrases that they looked up in a translating dictionary and saying them over and over again. As someone who has studied French since I was 8 years old, this is not only insulting, but it's rather baffling that they think no one can see through their bullshit.

What irks me the most is their followers. They eat up their hideous sense of fashion for breakfast. This, in turn feeds their ever growing egos even further. As if taking pictures of yourself every day with the ten-second timer on your crappy camera and thinking the world cares wasn't a big enough red flag on your narcissistic tendencies. Stop pretending you're in a photo shoot, you're neighbors must think you're crazy.

I don't understand how these people have so much free time on their hands. In that sense, I'm jealous. I guess life is just one big bowl of ice cream when your only job is to fall deeper and deeper in love with yourself while you take pictures of the outfits that you bought with your parent's money. And hey, who wouldn't want it to be that easy? But please, stop acting like what you do is changing the world. There are 2 million other girls just like you online, all of whom think they're just as special as you do.

My Latest Obsession

I've heard of Major Lazer for some time now, I've always had friends that loved them. But it wasn't until I saw them live, opening for Pretty Lights on New Years that I fell in love with them. They put on such a fun show, and now I'm hopelessly addicted. I love how they can combine House with Reggae beats so seamlessly.

50 Things I Hate

Posting "I Hate" videos on youtube is becoming increasingly popular with each passing day. So since I don't do vlogs, I figured I'd let you know about everything I hate here:
1. I hate Coca-Cola. I hate all brands of "cola" for that matter. It's sugary tar, how could anyone enjoy that?
2. I hate it when people repeatedly sniffle or breathe heavily within earshot of me in an otherwise quiet room.
3. I hate Sex and the City. And I hate how people can't seem to believe that I find it an apalling piece of shit.
4. I hate how every time I open a cup of yogurt it has to spit out at me like it's a fucking llama.
5. I hate it when lazy, fat, and/or junk food junkies complain about their weight.
6. I hate it when people will tell you that they discovered a band "years" before they became popular. No one fucking cares.
7. I hate it when girls act like they think they're ugly so they can fish for compliments.
8. I hate it when people try to rock out to their iPhone speakers. Guess what? They sound like shit. Stop acting like they're a goddamn Bose soundock.
9. I hate it when people say they like a band to sound cool but can't name 3 songs by them.
10. I hate snuggies. And I hate people who buy snuggies because they think they're being funny and ironic.
11. For that matter, I hate people who think they're being funny and ironic in general. Shave your moustache, douche.
12. I hate people who roll their own cigarettes. You're not cooler than me, and you smoke poop-sticks.
13. I hate it when cops leave they're cars running, unlocked, and unattended. Stop trying to set me up, it's so fucking tempting.
14. I hate how five-dollar cupcakes have become practically a fashion accessory.
15. I hate tiny dogs.
16. I hate it when people whistle their "S" sounds like the pedophile on Family Guy.
17. I hate people who take the elevator for like 2 floors.
18. I hate it when people text me back "ok".
19. I hate it when people don't control their loud obnoxious children in public.
20. I hate it when I go to Chipotle and they wrap my burrito like a bitch.
21. I hate it when people pronounce the word "bagel" like "beggil"
22. I hate it when my roomates refuse to take out the trash and just keep piling it up like its a fucking jenga tower.
23. I hate people who say "that's what she said" when what I said was already intended to be an innuendo.
24. I hate it when guys shave their chest.
25. I hate it when my friends ask me for advice and then get upset when what I tell them isn't what they wanted to hear.
26. I hate it when black people fall completely into their stereotypes.
27. I hate that birth control made my lightning-fast metabolism slow down.
28. I hate getting hit on by guys who I don't think are hot.
29. I hate people who complain all the time.
30. I hate hypochondriacs. The only thing wrong with you is that you are an atrocious attention whore.
31. I hate how Blogger's formatting is ALWAYS messed up. Making me have to revise my posts for hours.
32. I hate couples that celebrate anniversaries every month. It's called an anniversary because "annum" is Latin for "year". Stop praising you're mediocre relationship.
33. I hate stores that have a minimum purchase for using credit cards.
34. I hate the "like" button on facbook. If you can't rattle your brain enough to produce even a FEW worthwile words, then I don't want the notification.
35. I hate people who think they're making a difference by "Raising Awareness" about an issue. You aren't doing shit.
36. I hate that we females have to go to a doctor thats specifically trained to analyze our vagina.
37. I hate romantic comedies. And I hate how every guy assumes I like them because I am a girl.
38. I hate shitty sunglasses. Your scratched-up, Urban Outfitters, "vintage-style" specs cheapen your entire outfit.
39. I hate guys who think flashing the shocker in photos will make them funny.
40. I hate how the food at movie theaters is so goddamn expensive.
41. I hate how girls (or guys for that matter) think they have to take pictures of themselves every single time they go out. No one thinks you're that interesting.
42. I hate the food network and all the shitty cooks that they give shows to.
43. I hate it when couples post their relationship status on facebook. And I hate it when people comment on someone's changed relationship status.
44. I hate it when my friends want to have a "girls night". How is that more fun than getting to hang out with boys? How???
45. I hate that I always fuck up the word "Astronomy" for "Astrology". Then I tell people about the Astrology class I'm taking and they think I'm a retard.
46. I hate how people will buy anything with the name "organic" in it and think they they must be eating healthy because of it.
47. I hate it when I have to poop at a guy's house.
48. I hate it when people open all the perfume samples in my magazines. Make your own magazines smell like a dead baby prostitute that fell in a dumpster.
49. I hate it when girls will do a ton of sit ups or leg lifts right before they go out in a skimpy outfit, as if that actually made a difference.
50. I hate Uggs. And I always have. And I always will. I feel so much better now!