Adorable...?

Thoughts on... Douchebag Cyclists

I've been meaning to rant about this for a while now. But today I really got set off. I am on thanksgiving break officially today, and I decided to take my family dog out for a bike ride on my home town's bike path. This is something I do all the time, Cooper is in very good shape and was bred for endurance. However, I don't bike that fast when I'm riding with him and whenever someone passes me I simply pull his leash closer to me and allow them to proceed. This has never caused a problem with anyone before, but today this bitch in her retarded spandex (you know, the ones that have the logos of fake sponsers all over them?) passed me whist screaming "you're being RIDICULOUSLY dangerous" and then wisked away. This infuriated me because I was not being dangerous at all, not that it was any of her fucking buisness anyways.

It seems as if no matter what, cyclists are never lacking in an asshole comment to shout at you. What really pisses me off is the fact that it's such a pussy move. Yeah, anyone can shout obscenities at you and then peddle their pansy ass away. Next time, try a real confrontation you fucking prick.

I hardly ever drive, I don't own a car. So I'm not trying to get into an eco-friendly argument right now. However, on the rare occasion that my parents have lent me their car, nothing infuriates me more than an asswipe biker biking in the middle of a traffic lane when theres a bike lane (or in the case of my hometown, an incredibly nice bikepath) literally 5 feet away from them. This is when they go from being assertive to being an outright cocksucker. You don't see me driving in your bike lane, now do you? And if I did, I would never hear the end of it. Roads were built for driving on, however I understand the reasons why people prefer to ride bikes. This being said, a pissed off taxi driver could easily tap you and send you flying 20 feet. So, maybe next time you want to spew some dickhead comments at a motorist, you should consider that.
And to the whore who yelled at me today, go fuck yourself.

Not Cool.

I was just on facebook and I came across his ex-girlfriend's photo album. I wasn't stalking her or anything, her album showed up on my feed. But what caught my eye and caused me to click on her album is the fact that she had the EXACT SAME American Apparel leotard as me. In fact, I had just worn it out for the first time this weekend. That's also when she wore it. We even both wore black bandeaus underneath it. And judging by the chronological order of her photos, I came to the conclusion that we wore it on the exact same night as well. I know I can't be mad at her about it, it's not like she knew I bought it, but I really just want someone to tell me I look better in it.

I'm gonna do a Who Wore It Best, so gimme your honest opinion:

I blurred out my friend's face and hers as well. I thought I'd post pictures of us that weren't super flattering, but weren't super bad either. They're both off facebook.

UPDATE: Katy Perry has the same leotard as me too. I guess I'm okay with that one: http://www.showbiz-i.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Katy-Perry-Covers-Maxim-Magazine-January-1-500x693.jpg

Um... Delish?

Yesterday a friend told me about a little place on Clark street called The Meatloaf Bakery which specializes in a growing trend of "Meatloaf Cupcakes" and other classic comfort foods stylized to look like bakery treats.
Personally, I am not that big on sweets or baked goods but I respect the craft since it is as much about the over all aesthetic presentation of the food as the actual taste of it. This resturaunt seems to be the cure for the common comfort foods! Of course I would take a blob of meat and potatoes on my plate over some precious little sweet that won't sustain you for more than 20 minutes, but this new trend has started something groundbreaking: Meatloaf can be beautiful. As Cynthia, chief chef at The Meatloaf Factory says, "Each creation is meant to bring a smile to your face and great joy to your tummy. Just like the comfort you remember".
What more could I ask for? You can learn more about The Meatloaf Bakery at http://www.themeatloafbakery.com/.

Why you gotta kill my buzz? (literally)

Recently, the State Liquor Authority placed a ban on FourLoko; a.k.a. the cheapest drunk ever next to 40s. Liquor stores are required to clear their inventory of said drink by December 10th.
Of course this pisses me off. People who are 21 (or people who have good fake ids) should be able to drink it for themselves and decide whether or not they want to continue drinking this shitty tasting malt beverage. Dennis Rosen, the liquor authority chairman says that "We have an obligation to keep products that are potentially hazardous off the shelves, and there is simply not enough research to show that these products are safe". Bullshit. The only research they've done to show that it isn't safe is overhearing college kids calling it "blackout in a can". It's a bit of an exaggeration, but leave it to the bureaucrats to take it oh so literally. What are you, my mom??? Alchohol is legal. Caffiene is legal. Irish coffee has been around for ages. Outlawing FourLoko won't stop me from pounding Jagerbombs. You're just being a douche but acting all high and mighty like you're a real humanitarian.
To be honest, I pretty much hate every flavor or FourLoko besides orange. But it really grinds my gears that we've been getting more and more freedoms stripped from us these past couple of years. Weed is one thing, I can buy that shit easily under the radar. But where are people gonna find clove cigarettes and FourLokos on the black market?
Just because government legislators think something is bad, doesn't mean that they should cut off everyone from it. If I was rich and classy I probably wouldn't touch FourLoko either, but I'm a broke-ass college student looking for something that will keep me buzzed for hours that wont burn a hole in my wallet. But of course idiots like Senator Charles Schumer say shit like "These drinks are spreading like a plague across the country and you need to do everything you can to protect the children". Senator Schumer can go fuck himself for all I care. This has nothing to do with children. This has to do with people who are legally allowed to buy alchohol, and people who paid enough money for a good fake id (who deserve to buy alchohol considering how expensive this holograph/blacklight technology is getting).
This is Amuurika dammit! Let me abuse my body how I want!

My Life is Complete

I fell in love after seeing these kicks in a window display on State street. They set me back over a hundred bucks *cringe* but I honestly couldn't go on with my life unless I owned them.

Wonderful Wonderful Wonderful.

My weekend, that is. I sort of spontaneously drove up to Ann Arbor with a friend of mine and we stayed in her friends house at U of Michigan for the weekend. But that wasn't the totally amazing part.

The downright dirty part of the weekend was getting to see Pretty Lights in Detroit!!!! Seriously, it was fucking incredible. I thought I was going to cry at one point the show was so beautiful. The only thing I was pissed about was that it was an all-ages show, meaning it had to be over by midnight. Seriously, when it was over I felt like I could have danced for another 2 hours. Mainly because of the illegal substances that were scrambling my eggs but I could have been sober and had just as much fun! Oh. Did I mention I'm seeing them on New Years too? Yup. Except this time, I won't have to drive to the butt hole of America to get to the show. They're playing here, in Chicago!

So a series of crazy things happened after the show on Friday. Walking out of the theatre, there was a thick hazy fog surrounding the city. I was super loopy at this point, so I had to really focus to make sure that I was in real life. You literally couldn't see for than 5 feet in front of you. It was kinda creepy, actually. Then. Out of nowhere. I feel someone wrap their arms around me from behind. I jump around, startled, and it's a fucking drunken midget hobo wearing an Eskimo coat! I wanted to shriek and take a bath in purel but instead I just stared at him/her with dinner plate eyes as he/she continued to stumble through the fog.

Then, amidst all of the confusion and inability to see, we realize that we are literally standing in the middle of a busy street, blocking traffic. We realize this because a cop literally drove up next to us with his siren yelling on his speakers to get the fuck off the road. I really couldn't handle all of the craziness at this point. But I still had to find like 3 or 4 people that got separated from us in the chaos. And I was dying of dehydration.

So eventually I find the rest of my friends and hop back on the party bus and start heading back to Ann Arbor. However, despite the fact that the driver says he totally knows where he's going, its really starting to feel like we're lost as hell. The fog sure didn't help, but finally we made it back on the I-94. We get back to Ann Arbor and get dropped off at this frat because they're the ones that paid for the bus. Mind you, that we're still in our skimpy rave outfits and we still have to walk back to our friends house later in like 30 degree weather.
One of the boys at the house is drinking straight out of their Brita water pitcher, and lets me have as much as I want, but he insists that he pours it into my mouth. So I played his flirty little game for the soul reason that the icy cold water tasted like liquid candy to me in the moment; a sweet, life-sustaining elixir. Of course I end up with water all over me though, and had a fun sprint in the cold back to our friends house.
We sat up talking until 5 or 6 in the moring since we were so wired sleep really wasn't an option. But then I made the wonderful discovery of Advil PM in one of my million zipper-compartments in my purse. Thank god I'm such a pack-rat. Soon after popping them shits I entered a trippy-ass dream world. I couldn't even tell if I was awake or really just hallucinating hardcore. I was a fun ride though, I'll give it that.
Overall, I'll give Friday's Pretty Lights show a 4.5 out of 5 stars. It was my third Pretty Lights show, and the only thing that I didn't like was how soon it ended! New Years should be the shit cause it HAS to go late late late. I'll post a review for that show as well. But for now, I am swamped with schoolwork until Thanksgiving, and gots to go!!!!

Rainbow Jello. Simply Marvelous.

Despite being more on the tomboy end of the spectrum (no pun intended. okay, maybe it was intentional after all) I happen to love bright colors and anything rainbow. I recently bought a pair of ADORABLE undies that had rainbow stripes and when I proudly showed them off for "him" he simply said, "are these supposed to be gay pride or something?". I hadn't even thought gay pride when I bought them, and I think it's unfair that gays are hogging up all the rainbows these days. I'm all for gay pride and doing your thang, (plus the parade is the perfect excuse to rock Roy G. Biv) but don't hate on me for rockin what should belong to everyone!
Tangent aside, I was given a link to this recipie for rainbow jello by Samantha at TheHipsterMom.com and I simply have to make it! I'm thinking of adding gin to make it super fun!
You can check out the recipie yourself at http://zakkalife.blogspot.com/2010/10/rainbow-jello-recipe.html.
Enjoy!

Thoughts on... Overbearing Customer Service

If you live in Chicago like me, and you ever go shopping on the Magnificent Mile, you might have hit up their fairly new Victoria's Secret location. No, I don't mean the one in Water Tower Place, but the one thats literally a block and a half down from Water Tower Place. Don't ask me why they need two in such a close vicinity of eachother, it's not really the point of my story.

My point is that I simply cannot go to that store anymore. Everytime I walk in to that store I am ambushed within mileseconds by their fucking annoying customer service. My trip yesterday went like this:

"HIIII! Welcome to VICTORIA'S SECRET!" Oh gee, that's where I am?

"What are you looking for today???" Actually, I'm just kind of browsing.

"OKAY, well do you know about our 10-Dollar Gift Cards??" No.

"WELL. If you buy more than 10 dollars worth of items today, you automatically get a free gift card. It has at least 10 dollars on it, but it can have up to 500! Isn't that great??? OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR EARRINGS. THEY'RE SO ADORABLE!"

***

Mind you that this was within 10 feet of the door. This particular location has two floors and a ton of ground to cover. I walk over to the perfumes and not two seconds after I'm standing do I get attacked again:

"HII, do you know about our 10-Dollar Gift Cards?" Yeah, actually. The girl standing by the door told me all about it.

"WELL. If you buy more than 10 dollars worth of items today, you automatically get a free gift card. It has at least 10 dollars on it, but it can have up to 500! Isn't that great???" Lady, I just told you I already knew about it. Are you reciting a script or something?

***

Already midly irritated, I walk over to the underwear drawers. Out of nowhere, another one pops out and scares the shit out of me:

"HII, what size are you looking for??" Extra-small I guess.

"Okay, well the extra-smalls are in the top drawer." Thanks.

Then she looks over at the book I'm holding.

"Is that a good book???" Well, actually it's my Macro textbook, so I don't particually enjoy it.

"Oh, well thats nice... Just so you know, these panties are 3 for 30 dollars." Thanks again.

I was at a different underwear drawer when the SAME girl said pretty much the EXACT same thing to me. Like she hadn't even remembered the conversation we'd had less than 10 minutes before.

***

Now their PINK section consists of the entire second floor, so as I go up the escalator there are not one, but TWO girls waiting at the entrance. Both of them give me the typical:

"HII..." and then one of them simply goes,

"Do you like our store???" With this crazed smile. I'm starting to think this is a joke to them. At least I hope so.

***

I'm sure these girls have to say that stuff because their managers make them, but honestly, they don't have to sound like TOTAL robots. Like, to the point where they're not even listening to what I'm saying to them. I don't want to be told a million times about your stupid 10-dollar gift cards, which is why I said I already knew about them. And I'm not an idiot, there are tags which clearly label the sizes of your underwear. If I need help, I'll ask you. I don't need you hovering over me like helecopter.

***

Needless to say, I abandoned ship yesterday and hit up the one in Water Tower Place. Sure, it's smaller. But they still a pretty big selection, and the customer sercvice people are SO MUCH MORE laid back. I don't know what it is about that other location, but it's like those girls are all on crack. Take my advice people, if you're ever shopping on Michigan Avenue, just walk the extra block and a half north to get your Vicky's fix. It'll save your sanity.

Thoughts on... Jailbait Bitches

Recently I saw news of Gossip Girl star gone angry, raccoon-eyed, wannabe-Cherie-Currie Taylor Momsen flash her a-cup titties at a show in New York. She's either 16 or 17, I'm not sure which.
First of all, I think it's ridiculous that she goes from this perfect little princess to this "rebellious", rocking, eyeliner enthusiast in like a week. It's just such a poser move on her part. She ovbiously has someone dressing her and doing her makeup (terribly). I just don't understand it. Does she think she's fooling anyone? She's like an underage, sluttier, version of Ashlee Simpson. And black nipple tape? Hm... haven't seen that look sported before. Oh wait, we have millions of times by Lady Gaga, the queen of pop. But isn't Momsen famous for bashing pop music in interviews? Guess she needs to steal ideas not only from The Runaways frontwoman, but pop singers too.

***

Second of all, her attitude sucks! I've seen this girl in interviews and she just goes into them with this "I'm better than everyone here" attitude and this "This world has left me with no emotions other than anger" outlook. Maybe if she graduated high school she could actually see that life has a lot more shit in store for her. She's not even old enough to buy a pack of cigarettes, or get into any of these clubs she's performing in. It's just hard to think someone's badass when they aren't even allowed out after 11.

***

Finally, pulling down your training bra and revealing your mosquito bites when youre 16 is just being a plain old pricktease. No one likes a nice piece of jailbait. Well, I suppose thats not true, but that means she's basically begging to be molested by the way she's acting. No guy thats even remotely decent would tap that, so I hope she enjoys being the subject of 50-year-old perverts fantasies for the rest of her time here on earth.

***

I used to think that Miley was a huge joke as well as an underage wannabe. But honestly Miley, keep on keepin on, because your friend Taylor over here has lowered the bar significantly for you.

***

Taylor isn't the only one getting ripped on. Underage stars like Dakota Fanning and Brooke Shields have been criticized for acting too old for their age by the media as well. What seperates them apart from this attention whore is that they can push the envelope while still having a bit of class and grace about themselves. They speak with eloquence and maturity and explain their reasoning for taking on more adult-themed projects in their carreers. Taylor goes into these interviews acting like a know-it-all, only making herself look even more like a dumb ignorant teenager. Her immaturity shows that she isn't dressing for herself, but simply for attention.

***

OH, I almost forgot, who the hell prances around on stage in a bustier on her period??? Now her tampon string and blood-stained undies are out for the entire internet to see. Way to go Taylor, hope yer mom is proud of you.

Weeeeeekend Waaaaars!!

What a fantastically freaky weekend! Happy Hangover Everyone!