Facebook is the Ultimate Ass-Kissing Device.

The picture above is a an actual story that popped up on my feed. While I've sort of been noticing more and more that people have been using Facebook to fish for/shower other people with compliments, this just threw me over the edge. And what do I do when I want to complain about something that no one cares about? Take to this shitty blog. You're welcome.
I really hate taking Facebook seriously. In fact, I know I've mentioned deleting (sorry, "deactivating") my account on here before, but anyone I know that's deactivated it like a "badass" always ends up reactivating. And if I'm gonna get rid of mine, it's gonna be fo life. The main thing that's still kept me on Facebook is the fact that I just don't want to part with all my photos. Many of the photos I have posted don't even exist on my current computer (thank you Windows and all your shitty viruses). And I suppose I could go back and literally save each individual photo until they're all accounted for, but not only would that take hours, the new Facebook doesn't even allow you to right-click/save without giving you a bunch of other computer-clogging shit that you don't need. Go try it for yourself and see. I'll wait.
Tangent aside, I mainly just use Facebook to bust my friend's balls these days (because I'm a cyber bully like that) because it's too stupid to take seriously. So when I see that someone on my feed has a new photo and 12 people have commented on it saying "Oh em gee, you are so beautiful...You should be a model!!!" and the person who posted it is like, "Oh my god guys you are soooooo sweet!!! I have the best friends evaaarr :)" It really takes every fiber of my self-control not to write something sarcastic and quite possibly offensive to the more sensitive Facebooker.
The worst is when I'll post a comment to one of my friends jokingly making fun of them and another one of their friends will comment on it in their defense, as if I actually felt that way. For instance, I'll call my friend a nasty-ass-ho because for me, that's a term of great endearment, (by the way, the more I write this the more I'm considering that I'm actually the one with the problem) and someone else will write, "That's not true! She is smart, beautiful, and only gives it out to real men! Love ya girrrrrl ;) " This not only pisses me off because the fact that whoever wrote this is a dumbass, it pisses me off because now I look like a real asshole to the other dumbasses who spend hours on Facebook giving each other the much-needed affirmation that they clearly don't receive in real life.
Okay, so I may be acting like a total bitch here. I guess I'm just not the warm, fuzzy Facebooker that seems to have taken over the time-wasting-website as of late. Maybe I'm just jealous that I don't post enough pictures of myself and my life to have a constant stream of ass-kissing notifications every day. Probably not though. Facebook sucks, and the people who take it seriously are making me hate the human race. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Would You Look at These Fucking Shorts.

I found these on sale and they were the last ones. My size. I think I just came.

Heres a closeup of the print:

Makin' all the other asses jealous since yesterday...

The Bees are Jumping and the Cotton is High

Finished off my finals yesterday. Can you say freedom? Except, oh yeah. There's that job thing I still have to do. So here's to slightly less responsibility!

How did I celebrate? My girl from Michigan came home and we hung out at the beach smoking a spliff and drinking this hard iced-tea I sort of made up the morning of. It wasn't a long island iced-tea, it only had vodka in it. But I thought about how much I love a good Arnold Palmer (half iced tea half lemonade) and sort of made it up as I went along. I boiled a big pot of black tea and when it was strong enough I decided to squeeze the juice from a lemon and add an equal amount of sugar to it. Instead of adding the water to the lemon and sugar, I figured the unsweetened tea would suffice as a pretty good diluting agent and just mixed it all together. I threw in the rind of the squeezed lemon, added enough vodka to give it a pretty strong boozy flavor to compliment the sweetness and then poured it all in a big old thermos. How summery, right? I should be a bartender.

Then we went down to her dad's condo, which is in the motherfucking Aqua Tower. Now when she said Aqua Tower, I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about but if you live in Chicago you've definitely seen it. It's that building with all the waves on the outside that are actually balconies: And needless to say, it was one sick bachelor pad. Did I mention it was on the 77th floor? The view was abso-fucking-lutely amazing. I could have cried. We drank her Dad's yummy beer and played pool and then hit the hot tub in our underwear. This creepy guy in the hot tub had no shame in staring straight towards my tits but whatever. I knew if he came near me I'd just smash my glass of wine on his face. After that we got dressed and went out and pulled some shenanigans till around 3am when we went back to her condo... And pretty much stayed up for another 3 hours drinking on the balcony with a couple of other guys (we knew them, OK?) we picked up during our drunken debauchery. Needless to say, we got pretty sloppy. My friend walked into a wall twice, hard. Oh, and she sat on an empty cooler and fell off that as well. It's ok, her face broke her fall pretty well. She even woke up the next day complaining of bumps on her head. Haha!

All that for a Wednesday night! Happy summer!

LMAOSHMSFOAIDMT!!

I Don't Sympathize, Cause You a Simple Bitch.

Do you ever go to a party where there's a group of girls you don't know, and throughout the entire night you're constantly catching them shooting you death-glares? I find this to be especially common at Frat parties. I chose not to go Greek before I even went to college, and I could ramble on for hours why, but it's really besides the point I'm trying to make. And while I chose not to join a sor-rawr-ity, my friends and I don't really have any trouble getting into frats when we ever decide to go. (Having a nice ass and tits never hurts) And while the guys there are always nice to us, I can never seem to escape the hateful glares that burn from the clusterfucks of sorority chicks across the room.

This sure as hell isn't the first time I've received this type of passive aggression from a chick, and while I usually retaliate by making awkward eye contact and a creepy smile, the line was fucking crossed last night.

While hovering one of the toilets in a stall with a shower curtain for a door, I heard a small group of chicks enter the bathroom. One says to another, "Do you think she can feel us judging her?" and the group proceeded to cackle like a cluster of hens.

This infuriated me at the time, because I just wanted to tear open that shitty shower curtain and scream at them, "Do you guys HONESTLY think anyone gives a shit about you besides yourselves???? Amazingly fucking enough, GDI chicks don't just sit around wishing they could be YOU all day!!" I knew they weren't even talking about me necessarily, I just couldn't believe how self-centered these girls could be.

But then it hit me. The whole reason these chicks are shooting girls like me death glares and making fun of us in the bathroom is because deep down, we make them feel threatened. We make them feel self-conscious, and we intimidate them. They try to rip us apart so they can feel better about themselves. I never sit around ripping on sorority girls with my friends, and you know why? Because they don't intimidate me in the slightest. They're merely a blip on my radar.

This doesn't just apply to sorority girls either, any jealous bitch who is hating on you really is just saying that she hates herself. And I don't mean to say that all sorority girls are catty bitches, I know plenty of girls that are Greek that are upstanding individuals. However, the majority of my experiences with them have been more like my story above.

Sometimes it's not always easy to remember that a girl who hates is a girl who hates herself. I'm an hugeeee fan on Nick Minaj because not only is she a bad bitch, but she doesn't give two shits about the girls who spend their time hating on her. She said in an interview, "When people see there is one person getting a lot of shine... it makes them feel unhappy with themselves. The small minded people feel unhappy with themselves. The intelligent girls just take the things they like from my journey and they apply it to their journey."

While Nicki may not be a very conventional role model, she inspires the fuck out of me not only creatively, but with her infallible confidence and powerful persona. Too many girls think that guys will only like them if they're docile and ultrafeminine, but there I go on rambling again. My point is, take everything a girl says when she's ripping on you with a grain of salt. Whatever she attacks you about, is really what she hates about herself.

So instead of stooping to their level and ripping open that shower curtain and tearing them a new one, I simply walked out and rinsed my hands as complete silence fell over the gaggle of girls. I gave each one of them a moment of eye contact and a smile and then breezed out of the room with a confident strut and went back to the party. Whether they laughed to themselves after I left or remained quiet doesn't matter. I am who I am and I will never feel like I have to live up to anyone's standards but my own.