Facebook is the Ultimate Ass-Kissing Device.

The picture above is a an actual story that popped up on my feed. While I've sort of been noticing more and more that people have been using Facebook to fish for/shower other people with compliments, this just threw me over the edge. And what do I do when I want to complain about something that no one cares about? Take to this shitty blog. You're welcome.
I really hate taking Facebook seriously. In fact, I know I've mentioned deleting (sorry, "deactivating") my account on here before, but anyone I know that's deactivated it like a "badass" always ends up reactivating. And if I'm gonna get rid of mine, it's gonna be fo life. The main thing that's still kept me on Facebook is the fact that I just don't want to part with all my photos. Many of the photos I have posted don't even exist on my current computer (thank you Windows and all your shitty viruses). And I suppose I could go back and literally save each individual photo until they're all accounted for, but not only would that take hours, the new Facebook doesn't even allow you to right-click/save without giving you a bunch of other computer-clogging shit that you don't need. Go try it for yourself and see. I'll wait.
Tangent aside, I mainly just use Facebook to bust my friend's balls these days (because I'm a cyber bully like that) because it's too stupid to take seriously. So when I see that someone on my feed has a new photo and 12 people have commented on it saying "Oh em gee, you are so beautiful...You should be a model!!!" and the person who posted it is like, "Oh my god guys you are soooooo sweet!!! I have the best friends evaaarr :)" It really takes every fiber of my self-control not to write something sarcastic and quite possibly offensive to the more sensitive Facebooker.
The worst is when I'll post a comment to one of my friends jokingly making fun of them and another one of their friends will comment on it in their defense, as if I actually felt that way. For instance, I'll call my friend a nasty-ass-ho because for me, that's a term of great endearment, (by the way, the more I write this the more I'm considering that I'm actually the one with the problem) and someone else will write, "That's not true! She is smart, beautiful, and only gives it out to real men! Love ya girrrrrl ;) " This not only pisses me off because the fact that whoever wrote this is a dumbass, it pisses me off because now I look like a real asshole to the other dumbasses who spend hours on Facebook giving each other the much-needed affirmation that they clearly don't receive in real life.
Okay, so I may be acting like a total bitch here. I guess I'm just not the warm, fuzzy Facebooker that seems to have taken over the time-wasting-website as of late. Maybe I'm just jealous that I don't post enough pictures of myself and my life to have a constant stream of ass-kissing notifications every day. Probably not though. Facebook sucks, and the people who take it seriously are making me hate the human race. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Retail Therapy :D

There is no better time during the year to shop than late January. Shit is just on sale from left to right. You can get so much crap you don't need for so much less than you'd pay any other time of the year, it almost makes you forget that it's all meaningless anyways!


First thing on my cheap haul? Jizz. Yep, one of my favorite fashion blogs, http://www.bleachblack.com/, has come out with a few shades of nail polish with some hilarious names. This pearly, shiny white color is appropriately called Jizz, and will be perfect for Spring. BleachBlack brand nail paint usually goes for $12.95, but today I bought it for $2.99!



Next thing in my haul? A new ass, of course. I've always wanted a pair of Robin's Jeans, the embroidery on the back is ridiculously adorable plus they've got a touch of spandex in the denim that gives them that comfy stretch. This pair of black Robin's was going for $140 at a retailer in BoysTown, however, they happened to be having a 75% off sale and I got these bad boys for 35 smackers. The best part? The only pair on sale was the one in my size! It's good luck like that that makes me punch the air with glee. Moving on...

About a week ago I discovered this website called http://www.knottyboy.com/, all about dreadlocks (get the play on words?). They sell dreadlock style kits, dreadlock dye kits, and dreadlock accessories. Now I don't have dreads, but I was looking for some beads to put in the thick hairwraps I have in my hair. After scouring through Michael's, Michigan Avenue, and many more places, I couldn't find beads that were wide enough. Then, it hit me. Dreadlock sleeves! Those would be the perfect size! And sure enough, after a quick google search, I found Knotty Boy Dread Stuff. Picked out these Moroccan silver mini sleeves, that came in a pack of 3 for $2.25.



Last in my haul, I got these peacock feather tights that I'm so stoked I found before any of my friends did. Because I think I'm literally in love. These were only 10% off for 24 hours, which still made them an overpriced 20 dollars, but I figured they should at least be good quality and not rip after I wore them like once. Lets hope.


So there you have it. New wardrobe without going broke. I'd like to dedicate this post to my mom for teaching me to be patient, and wait until January 20th to do all my post-holiday shopping. They will get desperate. They will mark shit down till it's dirt cheap. You just must wait. And screw all you snotty ass ho's out there that think discount shopping is so below you. Some people actually have to work for their money, and no one is gonna care how much you paid for your shit when I look equally cute. The end.

Thoughts on...Obnoxious Ringtones.

I spend a lot of time studying in the library at my school. I do this because studying at my place is like conquering an obstacle course of distractions. The library is supposed to be a sanctuary from these distractions. However, when I've got 150 pages of reading to plow through in a single night, and I hear someone's cellphone blare Lil Wayne at an earsplitting volume, I feel like ripping my hair out and setting it on fire.
It's not just the atrocious song that drives me absolutely up the wall, but it's the fact that the owner of phone never makes more than a half-assed effort to silence it. Or even worse, they'll pick up their phone and proceed to have a 5 minute conversation without even leaving the room.
I suppose I'm old fashioned when it comes to cell phones. I roll my eyes when people pick them up in restaurants. I grit my teeth when I watch my mom surf the internet while she drives. But there is no way that someone can think that broadcasting their x-rated ringtone in the middle of a god damned library is somehow acceptable!
Similar to the obnoxious ringtone people, there seems to be a new species rising among public and highly inappropriate places. These people like to blast entire songs on their cellphone speakers. Because why would they use a set of earphones when everyone within a 100-foot-radius can hear the absolute horse shit they're listening to? I've been a victim of this type of torture while walking down the street, riding in train cars, even in elevators. Yes, that's correct, a girl in my dorm last year liked to blast Cascada in a tiny confined elevator.
Do I have a huge stick up my ass? Am I a total bitch? Or is this seriously inconsiderate? People will never always see eye-to-eye on certain types of etiquette, but isn't there a universal rule against subjecting strangers to horrible crap?
Ugh, people...

Don't tell me how to live my life!

Today, in a futile attempt to find her car keys, my mother found my rolling papers and spice jar of nugs in my purse. I keep my nugs in a spice jar because it cures the weed plus keeps the smell contained; however, a baggie would have probably been more stealth when my mom decided to rape and pilage the entire contents of my purse.
This, of course, started a seemingly never-ending, pointless argument consisting mainly of whether or not these sweet, stinky nugs were causing damage to my brain. To which of course we have both very strong opposing opinions on. I'm guessing you can figure out who stands for what.
I'm sorry, but last time I checked, I have an above average GPA. I have a job, and manage the majority of my finances. Not to mention my parents have made me wait to get my wisdom teeth removed FOUR fucking months after my dentist said I should have had them out. Which means I'm in pain. Alot of pain. And since weed tends to be the universal cure for all moderately painful ailments, I've been indulging more than I usually would.
I've ovbiously posted about this before, but why is it that parents are the first to point a finger at marijuana for all their children's problems? Did they forget their college years?
This frustrates me to pieces because this is one of the most horrible parent topics to argue. It always ends with both parties throwing their hands up in the air in exhaustion.
Can anyone let me know how they've broken through to their parents about letting them smoke?

Thoughts on...People taking FB wayyyy too seriously.

Facebook is really fucking lame when you think about it. Especially now that it's on every one's phone. I do not own a smartphone, nor do I want to because it will only increase my temptation to waste my time on the sheer and udder faggotry that is Facebook. I honestly feel like deleting mine once and for all, and very well might after finishing this post.

Here is a list of some of the things I find to be appallingly pathetic to do on Facebook:

1. Listing who you are "in a relationship" with, aka "Facebook official"

2. Writing about your heartbreak or relationship woes in your statuses.

3. Writing about your emotional baggage in general in your statuses.

4. Sending psychotic and verbally abusive messages to people you hate.

5. Changing your profile picture every 2 days.

6. "Liking"

7. Deleting people because you got in a fight.

8. Going on Facebook in general

Ok, I might be guilty of number 8, but I stand strongly against the other 7. Facebook isn't supposed to be a serious thing, and it's a huge joke to bring your personal life online like that. I've seen people's moms bitch out their ex-boyfriends via status comments, psychotic cyberbullies make fake profiles so they can stalk the people they prey on, and I've personally been the victim of many threatening and insulting messages. All the while I'm wondering, "Facebook, really?".

The reason I'm writing is because recently I've had a brush with my ex's current girlfriend. She happened to friend me on Facebook, and I suppose I accepted not really thinking much of it. Next thing I know, she's i.m.-ing me talking nonstop about her "baby" and how she thinks everyone is jealous of her. This is already an inappropriate conversation to have with your boyfriend's ex, but it gets worse. I started to get the feeling that she was implying that I was still coming onto him, but I tried to brush it off since that was obviously a ridiculous thing to think. A few days later I see that my ex has deleted me, and I'm guessing it's Miss Crazyface that did it, or at least told him to do so. So I check her Facebook, and sure enough, she's deleted me too.

I sat there for a moment thinking to myself, "is this a joke?" is anyone that pathetic that they'd try to hurt my feelings by deleting me as a friend on FACEBOOK? Motherfucking Facebook??? By this point, my ex is starting to look like a huge pussy. So I text him yesterday something to the effect of, "you de-friended me on facebook, burn..." and not surprisingly, i receive no response from him. However, she managed to send me her OWN response on you guessed it, Facebook:

"Yo, niglet. I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to the baby anymore. Kay thanks bye." And yes, she actually talks like that. She's white too. I suppose you could blame her insecurity, the fact that my ex may very well still have eyes for me, or the fact that she's still in high school and still thinks that acting like an immature twat is acceptable. I responded with something to the effect of, "Please don't talk to me again, I don't want to be dragged into your pathetic high school drama. I won't say anything to you anymore, but if you fuck with me again I'll kick your ass". Which is pretty much what happens when chicks try to mess.

I've been through high school once, and I have no desire to do it again. And that's really what Facebook is like. It's like high school online. Bottom line, fuck Facebook. It's a frontier for psychotic, jealous, insecure bitches, like the one I mentioned above, to feel like they actually have some power in their lame-ass lives. I'm not saying we all have to delete our Facebook accounts, (although we probably should) but if it seems like you're taking this shit too seriously, maybe you need to take a step back and see how pathetic you look. Besides, when is the last time Facebook did anything for you?

Why you gotta kill my buzz? (literally)

Recently, the State Liquor Authority placed a ban on FourLoko; a.k.a. the cheapest drunk ever next to 40s. Liquor stores are required to clear their inventory of said drink by December 10th.
Of course this pisses me off. People who are 21 (or people who have good fake ids) should be able to drink it for themselves and decide whether or not they want to continue drinking this shitty tasting malt beverage. Dennis Rosen, the liquor authority chairman says that "We have an obligation to keep products that are potentially hazardous off the shelves, and there is simply not enough research to show that these products are safe". Bullshit. The only research they've done to show that it isn't safe is overhearing college kids calling it "blackout in a can". It's a bit of an exaggeration, but leave it to the bureaucrats to take it oh so literally. What are you, my mom??? Alchohol is legal. Caffiene is legal. Irish coffee has been around for ages. Outlawing FourLoko won't stop me from pounding Jagerbombs. You're just being a douche but acting all high and mighty like you're a real humanitarian.
To be honest, I pretty much hate every flavor or FourLoko besides orange. But it really grinds my gears that we've been getting more and more freedoms stripped from us these past couple of years. Weed is one thing, I can buy that shit easily under the radar. But where are people gonna find clove cigarettes and FourLokos on the black market?
Just because government legislators think something is bad, doesn't mean that they should cut off everyone from it. If I was rich and classy I probably wouldn't touch FourLoko either, but I'm a broke-ass college student looking for something that will keep me buzzed for hours that wont burn a hole in my wallet. But of course idiots like Senator Charles Schumer say shit like "These drinks are spreading like a plague across the country and you need to do everything you can to protect the children". Senator Schumer can go fuck himself for all I care. This has nothing to do with children. This has to do with people who are legally allowed to buy alchohol, and people who paid enough money for a good fake id (who deserve to buy alchohol considering how expensive this holograph/blacklight technology is getting).
This is Amuurika dammit! Let me abuse my body how I want!

Thoughts on... Overbearing Customer Service

If you live in Chicago like me, and you ever go shopping on the Magnificent Mile, you might have hit up their fairly new Victoria's Secret location. No, I don't mean the one in Water Tower Place, but the one thats literally a block and a half down from Water Tower Place. Don't ask me why they need two in such a close vicinity of eachother, it's not really the point of my story.

My point is that I simply cannot go to that store anymore. Everytime I walk in to that store I am ambushed within mileseconds by their fucking annoying customer service. My trip yesterday went like this:

"HIIII! Welcome to VICTORIA'S SECRET!" Oh gee, that's where I am?

"What are you looking for today???" Actually, I'm just kind of browsing.

"OKAY, well do you know about our 10-Dollar Gift Cards??" No.

"WELL. If you buy more than 10 dollars worth of items today, you automatically get a free gift card. It has at least 10 dollars on it, but it can have up to 500! Isn't that great??? OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR EARRINGS. THEY'RE SO ADORABLE!"

***

Mind you that this was within 10 feet of the door. This particular location has two floors and a ton of ground to cover. I walk over to the perfumes and not two seconds after I'm standing do I get attacked again:

"HII, do you know about our 10-Dollar Gift Cards?" Yeah, actually. The girl standing by the door told me all about it.

"WELL. If you buy more than 10 dollars worth of items today, you automatically get a free gift card. It has at least 10 dollars on it, but it can have up to 500! Isn't that great???" Lady, I just told you I already knew about it. Are you reciting a script or something?

***

Already midly irritated, I walk over to the underwear drawers. Out of nowhere, another one pops out and scares the shit out of me:

"HII, what size are you looking for??" Extra-small I guess.

"Okay, well the extra-smalls are in the top drawer." Thanks.

Then she looks over at the book I'm holding.

"Is that a good book???" Well, actually it's my Macro textbook, so I don't particually enjoy it.

"Oh, well thats nice... Just so you know, these panties are 3 for 30 dollars." Thanks again.

I was at a different underwear drawer when the SAME girl said pretty much the EXACT same thing to me. Like she hadn't even remembered the conversation we'd had less than 10 minutes before.

***

Now their PINK section consists of the entire second floor, so as I go up the escalator there are not one, but TWO girls waiting at the entrance. Both of them give me the typical:

"HII..." and then one of them simply goes,

"Do you like our store???" With this crazed smile. I'm starting to think this is a joke to them. At least I hope so.

***

I'm sure these girls have to say that stuff because their managers make them, but honestly, they don't have to sound like TOTAL robots. Like, to the point where they're not even listening to what I'm saying to them. I don't want to be told a million times about your stupid 10-dollar gift cards, which is why I said I already knew about them. And I'm not an idiot, there are tags which clearly label the sizes of your underwear. If I need help, I'll ask you. I don't need you hovering over me like helecopter.

***

Needless to say, I abandoned ship yesterday and hit up the one in Water Tower Place. Sure, it's smaller. But they still a pretty big selection, and the customer sercvice people are SO MUCH MORE laid back. I don't know what it is about that other location, but it's like those girls are all on crack. Take my advice people, if you're ever shopping on Michigan Avenue, just walk the extra block and a half north to get your Vicky's fix. It'll save your sanity.

Thoughts on... Legalizing it.

Yes I smoke pot. Not every single day, I'm not one of those people who gets bored without it, but I smoke it on a regular basis. Yes, I know it's not the most productive thing to do with your time. Yes, I know it's expensive. Yes I know it makes you lazy, eat too much, forget things, and giggle when nothing's funny.

But to be perfectly honest, what has weed done that's really hurt anyone?

It's a gateway drug. Stop blaming an innocent cannabis plant on you or your friend's heroin addiction.
It's addictive. Do you even know anything about addiction? The trans fats in your Mickey D's cheeseburger have more addictive properties than THC. Not to mention McDonald's actually KILLS people.

It causes memory problems, difficulty thinking, and a decline in judgement and problem-solving skills. This is a really twisted statistic. Yes, when your high you become forgetful and maybe can't do your Calc homework, but it's only while youre high. It has no permanent or even long term effects on the brain.

Legalizing it will cause an influx of users. Buying a bag is easier than buying alchohol if you're underage. Anyone who wants to smoke weed will.

Get off your fucking pedastal, people. There are way more harmful things that are truly destroying our country right now that are perfectly legal and always will be. Actual moral issues. Like, I don't know, the fact that Walmart abuses it's employees on a daily basis and is driving up our tax dollars by the billions because they refuse to give their workers any actual benefits. Or how about the fact that it's still legal for an adoption agency to turn a couple away because they are gay?

It's interesting the way we prioritize things. Oh well, agree with me or not about legalizing it, don't you think we should be putting our government's money towards things that actually matter? If it's not your thing, rock the fuck on. You're allowed to make your choice about it, shouldn't I be allowed to make mine?

Thoughts On... Couples That Should Just Break Up Already!!!

I'm sure you've known a couple like this. There's usually at least one in every group of friends.

They love to hate each other. They love to argue constantly and make up about it 20 minutes later. But worst of all, they love to CONSTANTLY BITCH ABOUT IT TO THEIR FRIENDS.

You of course, the loyal friend, gets put in a predicament. Do tell your friend the truth? That you think it's time to consider other people to start dating? Or do you bite your lip and lie? And say that you think the two of them will make it, thus dragging the painfully frustrating relationship out further.

We all know the answer. Of course you end up lying. Because if you tell the truth, you'll just end up upsetting your delusional friend for not believing in their embarrassing excuse for a relationship. No matter how dysfunctional they are, they always want to be told that they'll be able to "make it work". Make it work? MAKE IT WORK??? Oh, how I fucking hate those three words. Obviously you're not meant to be together if you have to make it work. "Make It Work" is just Dysfunctional-Couple-Doublespeak for "Forcing Ourselves to be Together".

This is a message out to all you couples out there who are hanging on to each other by a thread: just end it already. If you don't have enough self-respect to do it for yourself, at least do it for your friends so they don't have to hear about it anymore. Trust me, they're thisclose to smacking you in the face.

Now, a message to all you unfortunate friends who have to deal with this shit day-in and day-out: I feel your pain. Unfortunately, as you probably already know, there's nothing you can do but fight that urge to kick their ass you feel every time they open their mouth about it. Hopefully someday, they'll see the light.