Thoughts on...Obnoxious Ringtones.

I spend a lot of time studying in the library at my school. I do this because studying at my place is like conquering an obstacle course of distractions. The library is supposed to be a sanctuary from these distractions. However, when I've got 150 pages of reading to plow through in a single night, and I hear someone's cellphone blare Lil Wayne at an earsplitting volume, I feel like ripping my hair out and setting it on fire.
It's not just the atrocious song that drives me absolutely up the wall, but it's the fact that the owner of phone never makes more than a half-assed effort to silence it. Or even worse, they'll pick up their phone and proceed to have a 5 minute conversation without even leaving the room.
I suppose I'm old fashioned when it comes to cell phones. I roll my eyes when people pick them up in restaurants. I grit my teeth when I watch my mom surf the internet while she drives. But there is no way that someone can think that broadcasting their x-rated ringtone in the middle of a god damned library is somehow acceptable!
Similar to the obnoxious ringtone people, there seems to be a new species rising among public and highly inappropriate places. These people like to blast entire songs on their cellphone speakers. Because why would they use a set of earphones when everyone within a 100-foot-radius can hear the absolute horse shit they're listening to? I've been a victim of this type of torture while walking down the street, riding in train cars, even in elevators. Yes, that's correct, a girl in my dorm last year liked to blast Cascada in a tiny confined elevator.
Do I have a huge stick up my ass? Am I a total bitch? Or is this seriously inconsiderate? People will never always see eye-to-eye on certain types of etiquette, but isn't there a universal rule against subjecting strangers to horrible crap?
Ugh, people...

Let the torment begin.

The worst 3 months of the year? January, February, March. After New Years is over, you get to endure 3 miserable months of frigid weather and little to look forward to. Sure, there's Valentines Day. But that's a very biased (and for many, brutal and unforgiving) holiday. Sure, there's St. Patrick's day too, but in college every day can seem like St. Patrick's day.

I can feel my winter rut coming on, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Not only am I broke for having every single person in my family celebrate their birthday between the months of November and January, but the end of winter break has left me feeling unproductive. Since school is a 40 minute drive from my family's home, I am always the last one to leave at the end of breaks. I feel like I don't belong in this ghost town anymore. I feel like I'm in limbo.

That on top of the utter sex drought I am about to embark upon should be plenty to keep me good and ornery for weeks to come.

The only things that make me really feel better when I'm like this are shopping (regrettably I am an avid practitioner of retail-therapy, despite my general disdain for acting like a high-maintenance bitch), writing (hence the reason for the blog; I wouldn't do this if I was merely interested in being "discovered"), abusing my body (not in the self-mutilating sort of way, more like the alcohol-poisoning sort), and sleeping (best cure for anything). Between school and work, my life will be on a rotating cycle of the 4 activities i mentioned above, with an emphasis on the last three.

Why am I bitching into my black hole of a blog about this? Because I'm supposed to be staying on top of my shit. And I can't let the majority of people in my life know that I just want to hibernate until April. It's not that I don't have plenty of people to talk about this to, I just tend to bottle up my emotions when I can. I can't stand it when people wallow around in self-pity all the time and I refuse to become one of those people.

So that's my rant. I'm not sure if I was going somewhere with this or just needed to open up a vent in my emotional vault. I do feel better though, and I swear to myself that next post will be a complete 180 on the mood spectrum.

Don't tell me how to live my life!

Today, in a futile attempt to find her car keys, my mother found my rolling papers and spice jar of nugs in my purse. I keep my nugs in a spice jar because it cures the weed plus keeps the smell contained; however, a baggie would have probably been more stealth when my mom decided to rape and pilage the entire contents of my purse.
This, of course, started a seemingly never-ending, pointless argument consisting mainly of whether or not these sweet, stinky nugs were causing damage to my brain. To which of course we have both very strong opposing opinions on. I'm guessing you can figure out who stands for what.
I'm sorry, but last time I checked, I have an above average GPA. I have a job, and manage the majority of my finances. Not to mention my parents have made me wait to get my wisdom teeth removed FOUR fucking months after my dentist said I should have had them out. Which means I'm in pain. Alot of pain. And since weed tends to be the universal cure for all moderately painful ailments, I've been indulging more than I usually would.
I've ovbiously posted about this before, but why is it that parents are the first to point a finger at marijuana for all their children's problems? Did they forget their college years?
This frustrates me to pieces because this is one of the most horrible parent topics to argue. It always ends with both parties throwing their hands up in the air in exhaustion.
Can anyone let me know how they've broken through to their parents about letting them smoke?

Thoughts on...People taking FB wayyyy too seriously.

Facebook is really fucking lame when you think about it. Especially now that it's on every one's phone. I do not own a smartphone, nor do I want to because it will only increase my temptation to waste my time on the sheer and udder faggotry that is Facebook. I honestly feel like deleting mine once and for all, and very well might after finishing this post.

Here is a list of some of the things I find to be appallingly pathetic to do on Facebook:

1. Listing who you are "in a relationship" with, aka "Facebook official"

2. Writing about your heartbreak or relationship woes in your statuses.

3. Writing about your emotional baggage in general in your statuses.

4. Sending psychotic and verbally abusive messages to people you hate.

5. Changing your profile picture every 2 days.

6. "Liking"

7. Deleting people because you got in a fight.

8. Going on Facebook in general

Ok, I might be guilty of number 8, but I stand strongly against the other 7. Facebook isn't supposed to be a serious thing, and it's a huge joke to bring your personal life online like that. I've seen people's moms bitch out their ex-boyfriends via status comments, psychotic cyberbullies make fake profiles so they can stalk the people they prey on, and I've personally been the victim of many threatening and insulting messages. All the while I'm wondering, "Facebook, really?".

The reason I'm writing is because recently I've had a brush with my ex's current girlfriend. She happened to friend me on Facebook, and I suppose I accepted not really thinking much of it. Next thing I know, she's i.m.-ing me talking nonstop about her "baby" and how she thinks everyone is jealous of her. This is already an inappropriate conversation to have with your boyfriend's ex, but it gets worse. I started to get the feeling that she was implying that I was still coming onto him, but I tried to brush it off since that was obviously a ridiculous thing to think. A few days later I see that my ex has deleted me, and I'm guessing it's Miss Crazyface that did it, or at least told him to do so. So I check her Facebook, and sure enough, she's deleted me too.

I sat there for a moment thinking to myself, "is this a joke?" is anyone that pathetic that they'd try to hurt my feelings by deleting me as a friend on FACEBOOK? Motherfucking Facebook??? By this point, my ex is starting to look like a huge pussy. So I text him yesterday something to the effect of, "you de-friended me on facebook, burn..." and not surprisingly, i receive no response from him. However, she managed to send me her OWN response on you guessed it, Facebook:

"Yo, niglet. I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to the baby anymore. Kay thanks bye." And yes, she actually talks like that. She's white too. I suppose you could blame her insecurity, the fact that my ex may very well still have eyes for me, or the fact that she's still in high school and still thinks that acting like an immature twat is acceptable. I responded with something to the effect of, "Please don't talk to me again, I don't want to be dragged into your pathetic high school drama. I won't say anything to you anymore, but if you fuck with me again I'll kick your ass". Which is pretty much what happens when chicks try to mess.

I've been through high school once, and I have no desire to do it again. And that's really what Facebook is like. It's like high school online. Bottom line, fuck Facebook. It's a frontier for psychotic, jealous, insecure bitches, like the one I mentioned above, to feel like they actually have some power in their lame-ass lives. I'm not saying we all have to delete our Facebook accounts, (although we probably should) but if it seems like you're taking this shit too seriously, maybe you need to take a step back and see how pathetic you look. Besides, when is the last time Facebook did anything for you?

Not Cool.

I was just on facebook and I came across his ex-girlfriend's photo album. I wasn't stalking her or anything, her album showed up on my feed. But what caught my eye and caused me to click on her album is the fact that she had the EXACT SAME American Apparel leotard as me. In fact, I had just worn it out for the first time this weekend. That's also when she wore it. We even both wore black bandeaus underneath it. And judging by the chronological order of her photos, I came to the conclusion that we wore it on the exact same night as well. I know I can't be mad at her about it, it's not like she knew I bought it, but I really just want someone to tell me I look better in it.

I'm gonna do a Who Wore It Best, so gimme your honest opinion:

I blurred out my friend's face and hers as well. I thought I'd post pictures of us that weren't super flattering, but weren't super bad either. They're both off facebook.

UPDATE: Katy Perry has the same leotard as me too. I guess I'm okay with that one: http://www.showbiz-i.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Katy-Perry-Covers-Maxim-Magazine-January-1-500x693.jpg

Why you gotta kill my buzz? (literally)

Recently, the State Liquor Authority placed a ban on FourLoko; a.k.a. the cheapest drunk ever next to 40s. Liquor stores are required to clear their inventory of said drink by December 10th.
Of course this pisses me off. People who are 21 (or people who have good fake ids) should be able to drink it for themselves and decide whether or not they want to continue drinking this shitty tasting malt beverage. Dennis Rosen, the liquor authority chairman says that "We have an obligation to keep products that are potentially hazardous off the shelves, and there is simply not enough research to show that these products are safe". Bullshit. The only research they've done to show that it isn't safe is overhearing college kids calling it "blackout in a can". It's a bit of an exaggeration, but leave it to the bureaucrats to take it oh so literally. What are you, my mom??? Alchohol is legal. Caffiene is legal. Irish coffee has been around for ages. Outlawing FourLoko won't stop me from pounding Jagerbombs. You're just being a douche but acting all high and mighty like you're a real humanitarian.
To be honest, I pretty much hate every flavor or FourLoko besides orange. But it really grinds my gears that we've been getting more and more freedoms stripped from us these past couple of years. Weed is one thing, I can buy that shit easily under the radar. But where are people gonna find clove cigarettes and FourLokos on the black market?
Just because government legislators think something is bad, doesn't mean that they should cut off everyone from it. If I was rich and classy I probably wouldn't touch FourLoko either, but I'm a broke-ass college student looking for something that will keep me buzzed for hours that wont burn a hole in my wallet. But of course idiots like Senator Charles Schumer say shit like "These drinks are spreading like a plague across the country and you need to do everything you can to protect the children". Senator Schumer can go fuck himself for all I care. This has nothing to do with children. This has to do with people who are legally allowed to buy alchohol, and people who paid enough money for a good fake id (who deserve to buy alchohol considering how expensive this holograph/blacklight technology is getting).
This is Amuurika dammit! Let me abuse my body how I want!

Thoughts on... Overbearing Customer Service

If you live in Chicago like me, and you ever go shopping on the Magnificent Mile, you might have hit up their fairly new Victoria's Secret location. No, I don't mean the one in Water Tower Place, but the one thats literally a block and a half down from Water Tower Place. Don't ask me why they need two in such a close vicinity of eachother, it's not really the point of my story.

My point is that I simply cannot go to that store anymore. Everytime I walk in to that store I am ambushed within mileseconds by their fucking annoying customer service. My trip yesterday went like this:

"HIIII! Welcome to VICTORIA'S SECRET!" Oh gee, that's where I am?

"What are you looking for today???" Actually, I'm just kind of browsing.

"OKAY, well do you know about our 10-Dollar Gift Cards??" No.

"WELL. If you buy more than 10 dollars worth of items today, you automatically get a free gift card. It has at least 10 dollars on it, but it can have up to 500! Isn't that great??? OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOUR EARRINGS. THEY'RE SO ADORABLE!"

***

Mind you that this was within 10 feet of the door. This particular location has two floors and a ton of ground to cover. I walk over to the perfumes and not two seconds after I'm standing do I get attacked again:

"HII, do you know about our 10-Dollar Gift Cards?" Yeah, actually. The girl standing by the door told me all about it.

"WELL. If you buy more than 10 dollars worth of items today, you automatically get a free gift card. It has at least 10 dollars on it, but it can have up to 500! Isn't that great???" Lady, I just told you I already knew about it. Are you reciting a script or something?

***

Already midly irritated, I walk over to the underwear drawers. Out of nowhere, another one pops out and scares the shit out of me:

"HII, what size are you looking for??" Extra-small I guess.

"Okay, well the extra-smalls are in the top drawer." Thanks.

Then she looks over at the book I'm holding.

"Is that a good book???" Well, actually it's my Macro textbook, so I don't particually enjoy it.

"Oh, well thats nice... Just so you know, these panties are 3 for 30 dollars." Thanks again.

I was at a different underwear drawer when the SAME girl said pretty much the EXACT same thing to me. Like she hadn't even remembered the conversation we'd had less than 10 minutes before.

***

Now their PINK section consists of the entire second floor, so as I go up the escalator there are not one, but TWO girls waiting at the entrance. Both of them give me the typical:

"HII..." and then one of them simply goes,

"Do you like our store???" With this crazed smile. I'm starting to think this is a joke to them. At least I hope so.

***

I'm sure these girls have to say that stuff because their managers make them, but honestly, they don't have to sound like TOTAL robots. Like, to the point where they're not even listening to what I'm saying to them. I don't want to be told a million times about your stupid 10-dollar gift cards, which is why I said I already knew about them. And I'm not an idiot, there are tags which clearly label the sizes of your underwear. If I need help, I'll ask you. I don't need you hovering over me like helecopter.

***

Needless to say, I abandoned ship yesterday and hit up the one in Water Tower Place. Sure, it's smaller. But they still a pretty big selection, and the customer sercvice people are SO MUCH MORE laid back. I don't know what it is about that other location, but it's like those girls are all on crack. Take my advice people, if you're ever shopping on Michigan Avenue, just walk the extra block and a half north to get your Vicky's fix. It'll save your sanity.

Thoughts On... Couples That Should Just Break Up Already!!!

I'm sure you've known a couple like this. There's usually at least one in every group of friends.

They love to hate each other. They love to argue constantly and make up about it 20 minutes later. But worst of all, they love to CONSTANTLY BITCH ABOUT IT TO THEIR FRIENDS.

You of course, the loyal friend, gets put in a predicament. Do tell your friend the truth? That you think it's time to consider other people to start dating? Or do you bite your lip and lie? And say that you think the two of them will make it, thus dragging the painfully frustrating relationship out further.

We all know the answer. Of course you end up lying. Because if you tell the truth, you'll just end up upsetting your delusional friend for not believing in their embarrassing excuse for a relationship. No matter how dysfunctional they are, they always want to be told that they'll be able to "make it work". Make it work? MAKE IT WORK??? Oh, how I fucking hate those three words. Obviously you're not meant to be together if you have to make it work. "Make It Work" is just Dysfunctional-Couple-Doublespeak for "Forcing Ourselves to be Together".

This is a message out to all you couples out there who are hanging on to each other by a thread: just end it already. If you don't have enough self-respect to do it for yourself, at least do it for your friends so they don't have to hear about it anymore. Trust me, they're thisclose to smacking you in the face.

Now, a message to all you unfortunate friends who have to deal with this shit day-in and day-out: I feel your pain. Unfortunately, as you probably already know, there's nothing you can do but fight that urge to kick their ass you feel every time they open their mouth about it. Hopefully someday, they'll see the light.