She Done It Again... [insert eye roll here]

Is it possible to lipo the baby fat out of your face and inject it into your ass?

This is a photo of wannabe ho-bag and Pretty Reckless frontwoman Taylor Momsen in FHM Magazine. Think that's anything to be proud of? Consider this: they made Rachael Ray a centerfold too (Anyone else noticing a kitchen motif? How uninspired...) Wompp wommmmmp.

My oh my, would you look at those pot-leaf patterned underwear? What sort of deviant behavior is she going to shock us with next? Egads!

Maybe if she spent less time getting all those extensions glued in her hair and more time actually learning to play an instrument (yeah, simple guitar is nothing to brag about) we'd stop thinking she's a total joke.

Facebook is the Ultimate Ass-Kissing Device.

The picture above is a an actual story that popped up on my feed. While I've sort of been noticing more and more that people have been using Facebook to fish for/shower other people with compliments, this just threw me over the edge. And what do I do when I want to complain about something that no one cares about? Take to this shitty blog. You're welcome.
I really hate taking Facebook seriously. In fact, I know I've mentioned deleting (sorry, "deactivating") my account on here before, but anyone I know that's deactivated it like a "badass" always ends up reactivating. And if I'm gonna get rid of mine, it's gonna be fo life. The main thing that's still kept me on Facebook is the fact that I just don't want to part with all my photos. Many of the photos I have posted don't even exist on my current computer (thank you Windows and all your shitty viruses). And I suppose I could go back and literally save each individual photo until they're all accounted for, but not only would that take hours, the new Facebook doesn't even allow you to right-click/save without giving you a bunch of other computer-clogging shit that you don't need. Go try it for yourself and see. I'll wait.
Tangent aside, I mainly just use Facebook to bust my friend's balls these days (because I'm a cyber bully like that) because it's too stupid to take seriously. So when I see that someone on my feed has a new photo and 12 people have commented on it saying "Oh em gee, you are so beautiful...You should be a model!!!" and the person who posted it is like, "Oh my god guys you are soooooo sweet!!! I have the best friends evaaarr :)" It really takes every fiber of my self-control not to write something sarcastic and quite possibly offensive to the more sensitive Facebooker.
The worst is when I'll post a comment to one of my friends jokingly making fun of them and another one of their friends will comment on it in their defense, as if I actually felt that way. For instance, I'll call my friend a nasty-ass-ho because for me, that's a term of great endearment, (by the way, the more I write this the more I'm considering that I'm actually the one with the problem) and someone else will write, "That's not true! She is smart, beautiful, and only gives it out to real men! Love ya girrrrrl ;) " This not only pisses me off because the fact that whoever wrote this is a dumbass, it pisses me off because now I look like a real asshole to the other dumbasses who spend hours on Facebook giving each other the much-needed affirmation that they clearly don't receive in real life.
Okay, so I may be acting like a total bitch here. I guess I'm just not the warm, fuzzy Facebooker that seems to have taken over the time-wasting-website as of late. Maybe I'm just jealous that I don't post enough pictures of myself and my life to have a constant stream of ass-kissing notifications every day. Probably not though. Facebook sucks, and the people who take it seriously are making me hate the human race. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Good God.

Make it stop.

FML Doesn't Even Come Close...

Although this happened almost a week ago now, I haven't been able to sit down and write about it without becoming so angry that I ended up storming off and either cried or banged my head against the wall.

I borrowed my mother's car last Friday evening because I was going to use it to move a couch from their basement into my apartment in the west loop. Mind you, my parents never let me use their car, ever. This was an occasion among occasions. This may sound unreasonable by a normal person's standards, but my parents don't really cut me much of a break. I pay for pretty much everything on my own, and if I want a car, I need to save up the money from my job and buy one myself. Yeah, yeah, financial responsibility or something like that. I digress.

So since having this car at my disposal was such a momentous occasion, I decided there would be no harm in having a little fun with it instead of returning it home right away. I had the car until about 2am, when I decided I would make the long journey home. I still had to unload the couch from the trunk, so I parked in what I thought was a loading zone and had a friend of mine carry it into the room with me. When I walked back outside, I watched in horror as a tow truck was hauling away with my mother's precious new car. Now, I'm a pretty fast sprinter when I need to be, so I booked it after this truck, and ran along side them for a block or two, waving my hands and begging them to stop. After clearly making eye contact with me, they accelerated and sped off.

When I finally got to the impound lot, I noticed that there was a big, spray painted, "BURN IN HELL, PIGS" on the door leading into the office. Yep, those were pretty much my thoughts exactly. I was informed that I would have to drop two hundo if I wanted my car back. TWO FUCKING HUNDRED DOLLARS. As someone who works pretty much any time she doesn't have class to cover her rent and other expenses, this is a huge burn on my checking account. As if they couldn't have made it any more difficult, they insisted that I pay in cash only. While trying to find a bank that was open at 3am, one of the men working for the towing company told me that he could lend me the cash if I wanted to just write him a check. "Thank god, there are still good people in the world," I thought. Yeah, I might have thanked him too soon.

So I pay the ridiculous fee and get my car home without my parents ever knowing. But sure enough, the guy from the towing company decided that he was going to try calling me and asking me if I would like to go to dinner with him sometime. It's been over a week and he's still texting me asking absurd questions, like whether or not I'm a lesbian. He asked for my license plate number, saying he "decided to see what he can do about refunding my money". He's also asked me if i needed a car for my own, I'm assuming that of which his company obtained from fucking other people over the same way they fucked me. I guess this is karma's way of not letting me forget about what a dumbass I was, but come on. How do you shoot down a guy that has all of your personal information in the records at his skeevy workplace? I'm not really sure how to handle this, but right now I'll top off this story with a big, old fashioned Fuck My Life.

Thoughts on...People taking FB wayyyy too seriously.

Facebook is really fucking lame when you think about it. Especially now that it's on every one's phone. I do not own a smartphone, nor do I want to because it will only increase my temptation to waste my time on the sheer and udder faggotry that is Facebook. I honestly feel like deleting mine once and for all, and very well might after finishing this post.

Here is a list of some of the things I find to be appallingly pathetic to do on Facebook:

1. Listing who you are "in a relationship" with, aka "Facebook official"

2. Writing about your heartbreak or relationship woes in your statuses.

3. Writing about your emotional baggage in general in your statuses.

4. Sending psychotic and verbally abusive messages to people you hate.

5. Changing your profile picture every 2 days.

6. "Liking"

7. Deleting people because you got in a fight.

8. Going on Facebook in general

Ok, I might be guilty of number 8, but I stand strongly against the other 7. Facebook isn't supposed to be a serious thing, and it's a huge joke to bring your personal life online like that. I've seen people's moms bitch out their ex-boyfriends via status comments, psychotic cyberbullies make fake profiles so they can stalk the people they prey on, and I've personally been the victim of many threatening and insulting messages. All the while I'm wondering, "Facebook, really?".

The reason I'm writing is because recently I've had a brush with my ex's current girlfriend. She happened to friend me on Facebook, and I suppose I accepted not really thinking much of it. Next thing I know, she's i.m.-ing me talking nonstop about her "baby" and how she thinks everyone is jealous of her. This is already an inappropriate conversation to have with your boyfriend's ex, but it gets worse. I started to get the feeling that she was implying that I was still coming onto him, but I tried to brush it off since that was obviously a ridiculous thing to think. A few days later I see that my ex has deleted me, and I'm guessing it's Miss Crazyface that did it, or at least told him to do so. So I check her Facebook, and sure enough, she's deleted me too.

I sat there for a moment thinking to myself, "is this a joke?" is anyone that pathetic that they'd try to hurt my feelings by deleting me as a friend on FACEBOOK? Motherfucking Facebook??? By this point, my ex is starting to look like a huge pussy. So I text him yesterday something to the effect of, "you de-friended me on facebook, burn..." and not surprisingly, i receive no response from him. However, she managed to send me her OWN response on you guessed it, Facebook:

"Yo, niglet. I'd appreciate it if you didn't talk to the baby anymore. Kay thanks bye." And yes, she actually talks like that. She's white too. I suppose you could blame her insecurity, the fact that my ex may very well still have eyes for me, or the fact that she's still in high school and still thinks that acting like an immature twat is acceptable. I responded with something to the effect of, "Please don't talk to me again, I don't want to be dragged into your pathetic high school drama. I won't say anything to you anymore, but if you fuck with me again I'll kick your ass". Which is pretty much what happens when chicks try to mess.

I've been through high school once, and I have no desire to do it again. And that's really what Facebook is like. It's like high school online. Bottom line, fuck Facebook. It's a frontier for psychotic, jealous, insecure bitches, like the one I mentioned above, to feel like they actually have some power in their lame-ass lives. I'm not saying we all have to delete our Facebook accounts, (although we probably should) but if it seems like you're taking this shit too seriously, maybe you need to take a step back and see how pathetic you look. Besides, when is the last time Facebook did anything for you?