Summer Rage Part 2

Hey. I'm back. It's amazing the difference a few days can make. Yes, the shit is still continuously hitting a fan with no off-switch, but I am getting to the point where it just doesn't matter anymore. I suppose I shouldn't leave you hanging though (because so many people are just dying to pry into my personal life I'm sure) so here is part two:

So he's still acting like a dramatic yo-yo of emotion, and probably will continue to act this way for a while. Just got re-friended on facebook by him again, not surprised in the least. I wrote him a letter (speaking out loud isn't my forte) and I'm about to send it as soon as I finish this post. I basically told him that he's acting like he cares a lot more that he does, or should. Also, that if he continues to act like a soap opera star I won't be continuing to communicate with him. If that pisses him off he can suck it I guess, I'm really done feeling bad about this. I would have felt way worse if he wasn't such a shithead these past couple of weeks. But as it is, I don't see myself giving a shit for a while.

Amazingly enough, something good came out of this too. New man-friend, whatever you wanna call it. He's totally adorable (albeit skinny), plays like 7 different instruments and is ridiculous in the sack. Not to mention he's funny as hell (a must in my book) and somehow manages to treat me like a princess but respect me and treat me like a real human being all at the same time. He kind of just kicks ass in every way possible. I was kind of scared at first cause I didn't want him to start liking me as anything more than a hookup. Too bad I started liking him too. Even though we are more than a strictly sexual relationship, we're both totally on the same page as far as keeping this thing we have un-complicated. No drama, no jealousy, no bitchy texts, no drunk dials, no worrying about "what we are" or whatever bullshit people like to use to fuck up their relationships.

We went to six flags the other day with one of my main bitches from high school and her new man-friend and it couldn't have been more fun. At one point a group of guys started hitting on me and instead of being an annoying jealous guy about it he just smiled at me and ignored it. How refreshing right? I'm also pretty sure he's the first guy I've been with that my friends also think is cute. As if he didn't kick enough ass.

I'm gushing like a total loser right now but it feels good to be more positive at the end of a long, hate-filled rant. I'm gonna go back to writing my normal shit in a few days, I promise. I've just had a lot on my plate lately (these past two posts have barely scratched the surface) and once my affairs are in order I will be back with vengeance. See ya soon? Hello? Anybody?

Summer Rage Part 1

Remember in my last post when I said that I hadn't been writing lately because I was in too good of a mood to really bitch or complain about anything on here? Yeah, well it's your lucky day. Because the past few weeks have been a motherfucking roller coaster ride of drama and it's becoming unbearable.

Where do I start off? Oh, my phone broke. And I don't mean it got dropped or I spilled water on it or something. I just mean it doesn't do anything it's supposed to. It can't call, won't send texts, and it only gets Internet when I'm in a hot spot. I suppose it makes a pretty nice calculator. As well as a solitaire playing device. I suppose it can still be used as a pretty mediocre flashlight too. However, when it comes to doing it's actual fucking job, it chugs dick.

Lets see, what else... Oh right, my ex boyfriend is being a total fucking drama queen for hooking up with his friend. Yeah I know it wasn't the most considerate move on my part, I'll be the first to say that. But this is how it is: First off, we have been broken up for a whole year. Second off, HE was the one who broke up with ME. Third? He had been acting like a bag of douche for like a month leading up to this incident, so I wasn't exactly feeling overly empathetic towards him. Now I understand that even after its been a while it's still kinda shitty to hook up with your exes friend. But is it the end of the fucking world? No. It's not. Not at all. Jackie and Hyde did it. Plenty of my friends have too, and guess what? They all fucking survived, ok? The way he is acting right now makes me feel like I'm living in an after-school special. He is being more dramatic than most of my female friends have EVER been.

What has he done, you ask? Well he's called me and verbally abused me to the point of tears on several occasions over the past two weeks. Including, but not limited to: Father's day when I was at my grandparents house, on my way to work, at breakfast with my parents, and while on the train. For each time he's called me and made me cry he has also called me again to apologize and say that he wasn't mad any more. He has also deleted me as a friend on facebook. Then re-friended me again. Then deleted me again. Oh, and almost every time I've seen him he's been belligerently drunk and has never failed to bring it up at an unbelievably hyperbolic volume. I honestly would rather him be pissed at me 100% of the time so I could finally stop having to guess which mood he's in.

This would have all been fine to deal with on it's own, I'm not a whiny, pussy-ass-bitch and it takes a lot to shake me. However, the night he found out his ass-goblin best friend decide to bitch me out in a series of repulsive and ridiculously incoherent texts. I can feel myself getting furious as I type this, but I feel the need to tell you exactly what he said so you can fully understand the caliber of douchebaggery I have been putting up with lately:

So this conversation starts off with a simple, "Fuck you" to which I respond with a flabbergasted Quoi??? I'm wondering where the fuck this is coming from, because he has never spoken to me like this before. He responds saying "You know what". Just like that. Then he goes, (and I swear on my life I am not fabricating this) "You know where the dongs been. Admit it now or prepare for the worst. We will take you in the street and fuck you, then fuck you up."

What really grinds my gears is that the guy who wrote all this is the same guy who has cheated on his girlfriend multiple times. As in, fucked his girlfriend and his ex within hours. The motherfucking audacity this kid has to shit on me for doing something that's not even close to the same caliber as what he did is enough to make me want to punch him in the chest. He then proceeded to call me a whore and a fat, cock hungry bitch. Can you fucking believe that? I wish I could blow pressurized air up his dick hole until his balls explode. This guy is such a motherfucking chotch I can't even stand it. If you could see him you'd agree with me. He's an ugly ass ginger (not that ALL gingers are ugly, but he definitely is) with a nasty ass girlfriend, but he thinks he's the shit because he has a joke job at his dad's firm (which he does jack shit at, as all his coworkers say) and dresses like a mother fucking Ralph Lauren model (if Ralph Lauren models were hideous).

Honestly though, even if all the above WASN'T true about him, what makes him think that he needs to get involved in my motherfucking business anyways?? Jesus fucking Christ. If I wasn't so loopy right now I feel like I would have thrown my laptop out the window by this point.

I honestly had a lot to bitch about today, but the size of this post is pretty intimidating. Pretty doubtful if anyone is even reading this anymore (if at all). Not only that, but this has been exhausting and I need to seize this beautiful day and stop locking myself up on my computer like an angry little hermit. Stay tuned for part two. Or don't. The fuck if I care.

Shitty Summer Photos

I've been MIA for a while again (not that anyone reads this piece of shit anyways). It's not that I've been to busy to write, it's just that I've been in too good of a mood and never felt the need to vent like I normally do when I write on here. Anyhow, here are some pictures I have taken so far this summer with my jank-ass camera.

Lightning
Bacon and Bleu

Storm Clouds

Alien Flower

Bulgogi

Baby Pinto Bean

Wine in a jar

John's Island

Ohhhh Michael's...

Tots

Deluxe Wash

Life in the woods

HAHHHHHH

Facebook is the Ultimate Ass-Kissing Device.

The picture above is a an actual story that popped up on my feed. While I've sort of been noticing more and more that people have been using Facebook to fish for/shower other people with compliments, this just threw me over the edge. And what do I do when I want to complain about something that no one cares about? Take to this shitty blog. You're welcome.
I really hate taking Facebook seriously. In fact, I know I've mentioned deleting (sorry, "deactivating") my account on here before, but anyone I know that's deactivated it like a "badass" always ends up reactivating. And if I'm gonna get rid of mine, it's gonna be fo life. The main thing that's still kept me on Facebook is the fact that I just don't want to part with all my photos. Many of the photos I have posted don't even exist on my current computer (thank you Windows and all your shitty viruses). And I suppose I could go back and literally save each individual photo until they're all accounted for, but not only would that take hours, the new Facebook doesn't even allow you to right-click/save without giving you a bunch of other computer-clogging shit that you don't need. Go try it for yourself and see. I'll wait.
Tangent aside, I mainly just use Facebook to bust my friend's balls these days (because I'm a cyber bully like that) because it's too stupid to take seriously. So when I see that someone on my feed has a new photo and 12 people have commented on it saying "Oh em gee, you are so beautiful...You should be a model!!!" and the person who posted it is like, "Oh my god guys you are soooooo sweet!!! I have the best friends evaaarr :)" It really takes every fiber of my self-control not to write something sarcastic and quite possibly offensive to the more sensitive Facebooker.
The worst is when I'll post a comment to one of my friends jokingly making fun of them and another one of their friends will comment on it in their defense, as if I actually felt that way. For instance, I'll call my friend a nasty-ass-ho because for me, that's a term of great endearment, (by the way, the more I write this the more I'm considering that I'm actually the one with the problem) and someone else will write, "That's not true! She is smart, beautiful, and only gives it out to real men! Love ya girrrrrl ;) " This not only pisses me off because the fact that whoever wrote this is a dumbass, it pisses me off because now I look like a real asshole to the other dumbasses who spend hours on Facebook giving each other the much-needed affirmation that they clearly don't receive in real life.
Okay, so I may be acting like a total bitch here. I guess I'm just not the warm, fuzzy Facebooker that seems to have taken over the time-wasting-website as of late. Maybe I'm just jealous that I don't post enough pictures of myself and my life to have a constant stream of ass-kissing notifications every day. Probably not though. Facebook sucks, and the people who take it seriously are making me hate the human race. Sorry I'm not sorry.

Would You Look at These Fucking Shorts.

I found these on sale and they were the last ones. My size. I think I just came.

Heres a closeup of the print:

Makin' all the other asses jealous since yesterday...

The Bees are Jumping and the Cotton is High

Finished off my finals yesterday. Can you say freedom? Except, oh yeah. There's that job thing I still have to do. So here's to slightly less responsibility!

How did I celebrate? My girl from Michigan came home and we hung out at the beach smoking a spliff and drinking this hard iced-tea I sort of made up the morning of. It wasn't a long island iced-tea, it only had vodka in it. But I thought about how much I love a good Arnold Palmer (half iced tea half lemonade) and sort of made it up as I went along. I boiled a big pot of black tea and when it was strong enough I decided to squeeze the juice from a lemon and add an equal amount of sugar to it. Instead of adding the water to the lemon and sugar, I figured the unsweetened tea would suffice as a pretty good diluting agent and just mixed it all together. I threw in the rind of the squeezed lemon, added enough vodka to give it a pretty strong boozy flavor to compliment the sweetness and then poured it all in a big old thermos. How summery, right? I should be a bartender.

Then we went down to her dad's condo, which is in the motherfucking Aqua Tower. Now when she said Aqua Tower, I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about but if you live in Chicago you've definitely seen it. It's that building with all the waves on the outside that are actually balconies: And needless to say, it was one sick bachelor pad. Did I mention it was on the 77th floor? The view was abso-fucking-lutely amazing. I could have cried. We drank her Dad's yummy beer and played pool and then hit the hot tub in our underwear. This creepy guy in the hot tub had no shame in staring straight towards my tits but whatever. I knew if he came near me I'd just smash my glass of wine on his face. After that we got dressed and went out and pulled some shenanigans till around 3am when we went back to her condo... And pretty much stayed up for another 3 hours drinking on the balcony with a couple of other guys (we knew them, OK?) we picked up during our drunken debauchery. Needless to say, we got pretty sloppy. My friend walked into a wall twice, hard. Oh, and she sat on an empty cooler and fell off that as well. It's ok, her face broke her fall pretty well. She even woke up the next day complaining of bumps on her head. Haha!

All that for a Wednesday night! Happy summer!